IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments .Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are they any alternatives?

#people #experimentation #animals #discoveries #experiments #alternatives
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For several couples of decades, scientists have been doing experimentation on
animals
Use synonyms
. Some individuals believe that it's ruthlessness and should be a taboo.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, others consider that these
experiments
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 can be beneficial in terms of scientific development.
Although
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 it sounds not fair enough ,these experimentations are good, I think .I do not feel that
people
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 can find any alternatives to
animals
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 but some
people
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 willingly take part in
these researches
Fix the agreement mistake
this research
show examples
. First of all, In order to gain some attainments in medical sciences,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mankind sometimes needs to utilize
animals
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
researchs
Correct your spelling
research
.Even they can create some contradictions with ethical standards .
However
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 ,they have undeniable benefits for
people
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. Drugs and other many medications are being tested on
animals
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 before Being approved for human consumption. During these
experiments
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 that the scholars are carrying out any side effects or negative ramifications of these drugs are checked just to ensure that they would not cause any detrimental impacts on human health .
Therefore
Linking Words
 ,it is crucial to make
such
Linking Words
 kind of
experimentations
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experimentation
show examples
 to prevent
people
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 from having disorders stemming from pharmaceutical products.
Also
Linking Words
 ,other options are being sought. There are no appropriate alternatives to
animals
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 ,
however
Linking Words
 many
people
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 especially those who suffer from chronic and untreatable diseases become
volunteer
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volunteers
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 to these researches just to contribute to medical development.These
people
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 participate in
experiments
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 but their number is not sufficient to meet all demands which is why Fauna members
are being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
continued
Wrong verb form
continue
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 to be part of
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 ruthless
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
. Taking everything into account, despite some requirements for outlawing
experimentations
Fix the agreement mistake
experimentation
show examples
 on
animals
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, they are providing
people
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 the opportunity to avoid possible dangers.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 ,
although
Linking Words
 some humans can be used in
experiments
Use synonyms
 based on their own
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 they would not suffice to carry out all
researchs
Correct your spelling
research
.
Submitted by Name_1234 on

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task achievement
Consider using a clearer introductory paragraph that directly addresses the question. State your position more explicitly to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance coherence by organizing ideas more logically and clearly. Use paragraphs to separate different points and make sure each paragraph follows logically from the one before.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will strengthen your task achievement by making your points more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of your syntax and choose more precise vocabulary to improve clarity and the overall professionalism of your writing.
positive aspect
You've made an effort to present both sides of the argument, which is good for a balanced discussion.
positive aspect
Your conclusion summarizes your main points well, clearly stating your overall standpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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