IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

government should spend money on railways rather than roads. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#government #money #railways #roads
Some individuals believe that spending money on
railways
 should be prioritized over
roads
 for
governments
 because roadways have more capacity in the
transformation
system
.
This
 essay will argue why
governments
 shit invest in
roads
 rather than
railways
. Some people hold the belief that it’s more beneficial to spend money on
railways
instead
 of
roads
 because
railways
 can trans bigger amounts of merchandise and passengers.
furthermore
, they provide safer
transformation
 in comparison with
roads
.
For example
, they transfer thousands of tons of commodities just in one time.
Also
, wagons place hundreds of passengers.
On the other hand
,
roads
 have their own advantage which should be considered by
governments
 .
while
Correct your spelling
While railways
show examples
Railways
 play an important role in
transformation
Correct article usage
the transformation
show examples
system
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in contemporary society, individuals prefer to use their own cars more than any
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 Because feel more comfortable
to transfer
Change the verb form
transferring
show examples
 with their own vehicle.
moreover
roads
Change the noun form
road
show examples
transformation
system
 is faster than
railways
, which makes it much more popular. In conclusion,
however
,
railways
 have more capacity to transform more safely.
According to
 People's increasing use of the road transportation
system
 as a faster way for
transformation
,
governments
 should spend money on
roads
 to improve safety and upgrade access to
this
system
.
Submitted by ali.homayoni93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Aim to provide a clearer stance throughout your essay. While you presented both sides, reinforcing your own view more distinctly would enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Utilize a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs, improving the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and details to support your points. This would make your arguments more convincing and relevant.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly outline the essay's direction, contributing to a coherent structure.
task achievement
You effectively addressed the topic and provided arguments for both sides, showcasing understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: