Multicultural societies, where people of different groups live together, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the modern world, everything is changing, getting easier and becoming beneficial. Living in Cultural diversity has some advantages
instead
of disadvantages to society. I completely agree with this
opinion that's told above.
On the one hand, there are many bad points of living in Multicultural societies, where many people
come from other countries or cultures and those affect our culture and society such
as a girl or a boy who attends a Multicultural school come
across some problems like understanding, being confused or forgetting her or his tradition. Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
For example
in many countries especially in Uzbekistan people
celebrate Christmas funnily
than their traditional holidays as the Navruz holiday. If the population of Rephrase
more fun
this
country do not do anything to prevent losing it and in
they can not say or show their tradition to others.
Correct word choice
apply
On the other hand
, among
the Change preposition
apply
people
who come from cultural diversity bring many good opportunities for the country and these opportunities help it to develop and be strong contacts with these countries. For example
, Uzbeks know about Korean and American culture and many Korean and American people
inhabit Uzbekistan so they can not have any problems with living and communicating. For instance
, every year 5000 Uzbek people
go to work in the USA and none of them has had difficulties understanding,
or communicating with their culture.
In conclusion, Remove the comma
apply
although
there are some problems with living with Multicultural people
, has more benefits so I totally agree with these ideas that being among ethnic pluralism is interesting and useful.Submitted by hamzayevasamina on
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Introduction
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction, providing a brief overview of your main points. This helps set the stage for your argument.
Paragraph Structure
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Supporting Examples
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Content Accuracy
Avoid overgeneralizations and be mindful of making unsubstantiated claims. It's better to focus on specific, well-supported points rather than broad statements that are hard to back up.
Grammar and Vocabulary
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and variety in your writing. Using a range of sentence structures and vocabulary can enhance the clarity and sophistication of your essay.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main argument, reinforcing your stance on the importance of multicultural societies.
Thesis Statement
You have a clear thesis statement that guides the direction of your essay, which is a good practice.
Use of Personal Examples
The use of examples from Uzbekistan and the interaction between Uzbek and Korean/American cultures gives your essay a personal touch and helps illustrate your points.