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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The map below show the village of Stockefort in 1930 and in 2010

The map below show the village of Stockefort in 1930 and in 2010
#show #village #stockefort
This
 picture is about the village of
stockefort
Change the capitalization
Stockefort
show examples
 that similar between 1930 and 2010.
Overall
,
It’s appears
Change the verb form
It appears
show examples
 that
village
Correct article usage
the village
show examples
 is modernized after 80 years, and many places
were
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 constructed.
for example
, shops were cut down, and some houses were built
instead
 of shops. One interesting change is that farmland was pulled down and one neighborhood replaced them.In 1930 there was
retirement
Correct article usage
a retirement
show examples
 home but in 1930 there was a large house in that
place
.
school
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 been developed and were bigger than in1930,
river
Add an article
the river
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 not changing,
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
nourth
Correct your spelling
north
 of
map
Correct article usage
the map
show examples
 farmland
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 removed and many cows
were traveled
Change the verb form
have traveled
show examples
another
Change preposition
to another
show examples
place
, another
place
for example
 near the post office there were erected a road that it connected some home to
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 road,another striking change is that the circle
place
 was built in
Add an article
the center
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of some house
instead
 of
farmingland
Correct your spelling
farming land
farmland
, the Garden used to be a green area with a lot of trees , but trees have been cut down , and a new home has been constructed.
Submitted by poriaprashidi on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "for example, instead".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words place with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • transformation
  • infrastructure
  • facilities
  • landscape
  • sparse population
  • residential areas
  • commercial zones
  • recreational facilities
  • agricultural lands
  • local economy
  • transportation infrastructure
  • connectivity
  • public amenities
  • green spaces
  • quality of life
  • historical buildings
  • landmarks
  • preservation
  • urban development
  • environmental impacts
  • natural landscapes
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