People nowadays spend their free time less actively than in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #time

Nowadays,

children

are less active in their leisure time than

Change preposition

apply

show examples

many decades ago.

As a result

, many

sports

lessons

must be mandatory in education.

However

, I am not convinced by the statement for some reasons mentioned in

this

essay. On the one hand, schools must add some

sports

lessons

to the curriculum. The first reason is that if people are unfit or have some health problems, the government will have to spend a lot of money on medical care in the future

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

cause many problems for society,

therefore

, more

children

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

participating

sports

Change preposition

in sports

show examples

now means that more people will be healthy in the future and physical activity

also

improves

children

's mental well-being which helps

children

have fun and avoid stress . Another reason is that

sports

help

children

learn discipline,

patient

Replace the word

patience

show examples

and working with others as a team which can help

children

become more independent.

On the other hand

, I reckon that

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

lessons

should not be compulsory at school. First and foremost, when

children

participate in

sports

, if they are not careful, they can suffer from serious and dangerous injuries.

Secondly

, to provide

children

with a good training environment, schools need to spend a lot of money on

sports

facilities,

sports

equipment and many other things.

Thirdly

, playing

sports

too much can make

children

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

lose focus on their studies.

In addition

, engaging in

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

lessons

takes up a significant amount of valuable study time.

Last

but not least, some young people do not enjoy

sports

, because they don't like physical activity or they consider it a waste of time. In conclusion, participating in

sports

can bring many physical and mental benefits to

children

, but I think

sports

lessons

should not be mandatory at school, and

theses

Correct your spelling

these

show examples

lessons

should be optional subjects for

children

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

so that they can feel comfortable when taking part in studying.

Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on Mon Apr 22 2024

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task achievement

Your essay does address the prompt and provides a balanced view, discussing both sides of the argument. However, your argument that sports lessons should not be mandatory at schools could be further developed with more specific examples or evidence to improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your response.

coherence cohesion

Consider refining your main points. Some ideas are repeated, and could be consolidated for a clearer, more cohesive argument. Using transitional phrases more effectively could improve the overall flow of your essay.

introduction conclusion present

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your arguments well.

supported main points

Most of your main points are sufficiently supported, showing that you have a good grasp of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

308 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

sedentary lifestyle
streaming movies
browsing social media
playing video games
digital entertainment
active pursuits
resurgence of interest
fitness trends
outdoor adventures
group sports
perception of time
connectivity requirements
passive activities

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People nowadays spend their free time less actively than in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

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