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Band 7.5

People nowadays spend their free time less actively than in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #time
Some
people
 say that
people
 are less active than they were in the past. There are points for and against
this
 idea, but
overall
 I agree with the statement. In
this
 essay, I explain why. In my opinion, the main reason why
people
 are less active is computers. Several years ago, we went to speak to our colleagues. We walked to their desk or office. Now, we send an email without getting up from our seats. Even our free time is less active because we play computer games and go on social media. Before
people
 walked to a cafe’ to meet their friends or they went to their house. Nowadays, though, we chat online at home. In the twentieth century, children did many activities. In today’s world, parents are scared for their children’s safety, so they prefer to keep them at home. For many, it is easier to stay at home than to go out.
On the other hand
, some physical activities are becoming more popular. There are more gyms than there used to be and it is fashionable to go running or to the gym. In my view, though, only some
people
 do these things. Most
people
 join a gym but they do not go regularly.
However
, they never stop playing computer games and watching TV!
Also
, these days everyone takes their driving test as soon as possible and starts driving. In the past, young
people
 walked and went by bus.
To sum up
, I agree that
people
 are less active in their free time compared with the past. Now,
people
 are lazier and less fit than they were before.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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coherence cohesion
To further enhance your coherence and cohesion, consider linking your ideas more smoothly between paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to show the relationship between your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
While your essay provides a well-rounded view on the topic, incorporating more diversified examples and evidence could strengthen your arguments. Consider including statistics, studies, or more personal observations to add depth to your points.
logical structure
You've done an excellent job structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization makes your argument easy to follow and understand.
supported main points
Your main points are well-supported and contribute significantly to your argument, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
complete response
You effectively addressed the essay prompt, presenting a clear stance and comprehensively exploring the issue with relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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