At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages.
Undoubtedly,
young
generation is the backbone of any Add an article
the young
a young
country
as they are from that age group which helps a nation
to run smoothly. In this
contemporary world, population
of some countries include Add an article
the population
majority
of youngsters as compared to the aged Add an article
the majority
a majority
population
. This
situation has its own pros and cons, and I will discuss both views and my opinion that this
situation has more disadvantages than the
advantages.
Correct article usage
apply
To begin
with, people
in
Change preposition
at
their
young age are healthy and they work more to have a better Change the word
a
life
. They are able to contribute to the country
growth of the nation
The more they earn, better
taxes they will pay to the government of their Correct article usage
the better
country
. Along with
this
, a nation
does not have to rely on immigrants for work, if such
population
is Correct article usage
a population
more
in their own Correct quantifier usage
apply
country
is
younger or employable. Correct word choice
and is
Moreover
, the youngsters buy houses and help their nation
’s economy, whereas
old people
are considered as
a burden by Change preposition
apply
this
cohort because they need medical attention and they are even seen as a liability from a country
’s perspective as the government has to pay them pensions.
On the contrary
, some people
believe that not having many older people
around will be a disadvantage, as young people
need some advice and help from their elders because senior citizens have more life
experience than the young ones. Furthermore
, family plays an important role in everyone’s life
and having elders around can help people
in their daily life
chores, like taking care of their children.
Therefore
, if a country
has more of young
Correct article usage
a young
population
than the mature ones, it is a drawback. I personally agree with this
group as both young and old are important for a country
to operate efficiently.
The gist of the matter is that there should be a balance of young and old generation
in any Fix the agreement mistake
generations
country
because both play their own critical part in each other’s lives as a
well as contribute collectively to the growth of the Correct article usage
apply
nation
.Submitted by kiran.deep24 on
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specific examples
Consider expanding your essay with more specific examples to support your arguments. This adds depth to your discussion.
balanced analysis
Try to explore both sides of the argument more evenly to provide a balanced analysis. Your essay leans towards one viewpoint, which might limit the comprehensiveness of your response.
logical flow
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next. You can achieve this by using a wider range of linking phrases and clearly connecting your points back to the question throughout.
sentence variety
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay. This will also make your ideas more engaging to the reader.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your discussion well.
balanced view
You've done a good job identifying key arguments for and against the presence of a young majority population.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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