IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
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Certain individuals suggest that young people should spend their leisure time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing volunteer
work
Use synonyms
. By doing community service they help themselves
as well as
Linking Words
 their society. From my perspective,
this
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 is a great way to
channelize
Replace the word
channel
show examples
 young people's energy in a positive manner and it will contribute a lot towards the betterment of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, teenagers need a platform where they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 experience
real-time
Correct article usage
a real-time
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 environment
as well as
Linking Words
 their
responsibilites
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
responsibility
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their society. Both of these experiences can be realized through social
work
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, some medical school students
work
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 as care aids in a hospital to gain practical knowledge which could assist them
doing
Change preposition
in doing
show examples
 their job in the future
also
Linking Words
 it serves the patients who get a reliable caring person when there are shortages of medical workers.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
government
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the government
show examples
 is not required to pay them an extra salary which helps
further
Linking Words
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
allocate funds to other areas where there is
strong
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a strong
show examples
 need.
In addition
Linking Words
, a student gains
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 of how the hospital works and
learn
Correct subject-verb agreement
learns
show examples
 how to
work
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 stressful environment.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when a person works on something for free
then
Linking Words
 he or she learns the principle of delayed gratification.
This
Linking Words
 is something which every teen of
this
Linking Words
 era needs to learn. They are spoiled with social media which makes them habitual of the entertainment world and want their hard
work
Use synonyms
 to be rewarded so quickly. To exemplify, some teenagers cleaned water bodies in their surroundings and at that moment they did not realize what they had contributed.
However
Linking Words
, after years they witnessed how the locality's flora and fauna got restored and the area transformed into a tourist spot. Eventually, they learnt how delayed gratification works. In conclusion, it is crucial to do volunteer
work
Use synonyms
 during school days because it helps the individual to learn not only the moral values but
also
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 to grasp
experience
Correct article usage
the experience
show examples
 they need for their career.
Overall
Linking Words
, unpaid social
work
Use synonyms
 leads to personal and professional development.
Submitted by Kiran on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea to maintain clarity and enhance the coherence of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Integrate a variety of sentence structures to keep the essay engaging and demonstrate linguistic range.
Task Achievement
Be specific when providing examples, as this strengthens the argument and makes your ideas more convincing.
Task Achievement
When agreeing or disagreeing with a statement, make sure to explicitly state your position in the introduction for a clearer stance throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
The use of real-world examples significantly supports your main points and demonstrates a deep understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
What to do next:
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