IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

it is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents for instance for sports or music and others not.Discuss both view and your opinion

#people #talents #sports #music
Some people think that few
child
Change to a plural noun
children
show examples
 are born with certain talents
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe that some kids
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not born with certain talents
such
 as
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
, art, music etc.
This
eassay
Correct your spelling
essay
 will discuss both views and
further
 give
relavant
Correct your spelling
relevant
 examples in favour of both views.
However
, in my opinion, anything is achievable
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 lots of
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
. In
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
 notion, the individuals who believe that some kids have in-built
talent
.
In other words
, there are children who have some kind of
talent
 related to sports, singing, dancing, drawing etc., which is god-gifted. They do not need to do extra
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
. And they can
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
excel in their fields.
For instance
, Sachin
Tandulkar
Correct your spelling
Tendulkar
, a famous cricketer of India, who
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 known as
Magician
Correct article usage
the Magician
show examples
 of cricket,
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 born with
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
talent
 and nowadays he is famous
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over the world. The
talent
 of batting is god-gifted in Sachin. He just
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
 in
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 direction, and now, he made his name all over the cricket world. Moving towards
latter
Add an article
the latter
show examples
 notion, not every child is born with some certain
talent
. Some
also
 get it by hard work.
For instance
, a survey ,conducted in the U.S. in 2023, reveals that the list of people who are very diligent can do any work with practice and under
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 guidelines.
Moreover
, with the advancement in technology, everyone is very updated. If someone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 any hobby,
then
 he/she will always try to move their life in that direction with lots of
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 and
also
 attend classes online or offline in regards
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 his/her hobby. So that, they can spark their life with some
talent
. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children who
born
Add a missing verb
are born
show examples
 with some
talent
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
 need to burn
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 midnight oil, but children can
also
 create some
talent
 through their hobbies and interests at
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 age and do
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 their aim. I
also
 believe that, with concentration and hard work, these kids can do very
good
Change the word
well
show examples
 in their life.
Submitted by maliksheetal32 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linguistic skill
Consider varying your sentence structure more to enhance readability and demonstrate a wider range of linguistic skills.
Grammar and spelling
Pay attention to minor grammar and spelling errors, as correcting these could make your essay clearer and more professional.
Argumentation depth
Although your examples are relevant, you could further strengthen your argument by including more detailed examples or evidence to support your views.
Paragraph transitions
Work on smoothly transitioning between paragraphs and ideas to further improve the flow of your essay, enhancing coherence and cohesion.
Opinion clarity in introduction and conclusion
Consider refining your introduction and conclusion to more explicitly state your opinion and summarize your argument, making your stance clearer to the reader.
Logical structure
You have provided a clear structure that logically presents both sides of the argument, effectively guiding the reader through your discussion.
Effective use of examples
Good use of examples, such as the reference to Sachin Tendulkar, which makes your argument more tangible and interesting.
Response completeness and balance
You effectively express your own opinion and manage to discuss both views, fulfilling the task requirements.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: