IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The bar chart below illustrates five different industries' percentage share of Brazil's economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029.

The bar chart below illustrates five different industries' percentage share of Brazil's economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029.
#bar #five #industries #percentage #brazil #economy #forecast
The graph shows the percentages of different industries, which influenced the
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 of Brazil in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2009 and 2019,
as well as
 the predictions
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 2029.
Overall
, it is evident that
finance
Correct article usage
the finance
show examples
 sector had a superiority over others and the less
profiteable
Correct your spelling
profitable
 sector
has been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
 production during
given
Correct article usage
a given
show examples
 period.
Furthermore
, apart from
finance
, each industry's share
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
overall
 economy will decrease. Looking into detail, as regards the past, in 2009,
finance
 accounted for 30% of
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
 revenue of the country, which was three times as high as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
 processing.
Tourism
Add an article
The tourism
show examples
 sector was responsible for a quarter of the financial revenue,
as well as
 the traditional resources,
such
 as oil, coal, and gas,
while
 20% of
profit
Correct article usage
the profit
show examples
 came from manufacturing. After ten decades, the proportions of
finance
,
food
, and energy sources increased,
whereas
 manufacturing and tourism went down
steadiliy
Correct your spelling
steadily
. It is projected that
finance
 will
responsible
Add a missing verb
be responsible
show examples
 for 40% of
overall
 income. Tourism, manufacturing, and
food
 processing will witness a decrease
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 20%, 5%, and 10%, respectively. There will be
5
Correct article usage
a 5
show examples
% decline in terms of industry of oil, coal and gas in 2029.
Submitted by Name_1234 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as, overall".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words finance, food with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: