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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below illustrates five different industries' percentage share of Brazil's economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029.

The bar chart below illustrates five different industries' percentage share of Brazil's economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029.
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The graph shows the percentages of different industries, which influenced the
Use synonyms
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
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 of Brazil in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 2009 and 2019,
as well as
Linking Words
 the predictions
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 2029.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
Use synonyms
finance
Correct article usage
the finance
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 sector had a superiority over others and the less
profiteable
Correct your spelling
profitable
 sector
has been
Wrong verb form
was
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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food
Use synonyms
 production during
given
Correct article usage
a given
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 period.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, apart from
finance
Use synonyms
, each industry's share
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
overall
Linking Words
 economy will decrease. Looking into detail, as regards the past, in 2009,
finance
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 accounted for 30% of
whole
Add an article
the whole
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 revenue of the country, which was three times as high as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 processing.
Tourism
Add an article
The tourism
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 sector was responsible for a quarter of the financial revenue,
as well as
Linking Words
 the traditional resources,
such
Linking Words
 as oil, coal, and gas,
while
Linking Words
 20% of
profit
Correct article usage
the profit
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 came from manufacturing. After ten decades, the proportions of
finance
Use synonyms
,
food
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, and energy sources increased,
whereas
Linking Words
 manufacturing and tourism went down
steadiliy
Correct your spelling
steadily
. It is projected that
finance
Use synonyms
 will
responsible
Add a missing verb
be responsible
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 for 40% of
overall
Linking Words
 income. Tourism, manufacturing, and
food
Use synonyms
 processing will witness a decrease
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 20%, 5%, and 10%, respectively. There will be
5
Correct article usage
a 5
show examples
% decline in terms of industry of oil, coal and gas in 2029.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as, overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words finance, food with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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