IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. Do you agree or disagree?

#companies #sports #facilities #communities
There is a hot topic nowadays about big companies and their investments in
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives. A lot of
people
 think that companies must spend their money to provide different
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and social facilities for local
people
. In my opinion,
this
 is a good initiative. As the first positive outcome of
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 I can say that
such
 things may
increase
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 and happiness of
people
in
particular
Add an article
a particular
show examples
 area. If
people
 spend their free time in parks, gyms, pools or dancing classes, they have a good time and may refresh their thoughts.
This
 may lead to
productivity
Correct article usage
a productivity
show examples
increase
 provided
people
 are healthy and happy. For the second reason of providing facilities, I can say that
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 environment may
increase
 the interest
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 potential employees.
Lets
Replace the word
Let's
Let us
show examples
 imagine a person who wants to find a new job and relocate to a new place.
This
 candidate may compare all possible options including
company’s
Correct article usage
the company’s
show examples
 rating, office location,
potential
Correct word choice
and potential
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apartment’s
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apartment
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 location. In
this
 case,
employer
Add an article
an employer
the employer
show examples
 that provides some extra looks better
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to other ones.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
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, it may be a bit
upset
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upsetting
show examples
 for some sensitive
people
. They may think that the company stole their money and built unnecessary facilities that they do not want to use.
Beside
Correct your spelling
Besides
show examples
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 some
people
 think that
this
 is only
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
show examples
 responsibility to
increase
level
Add an article
the level
show examples
 of living.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 I can say that initiatives like providing sports and social environments are generally good. In most cases they make
people
’s
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
show examples
live
Verb problem
apply
show examples
easier
therefore
 they can invest more in companies success
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Task Achievement
To further improve, ensure that your main points are not only clear but are supported by a wide range of specific examples and data when possible. This strengthens the argument and makes it more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Expanding on the counter-argument with more detail and reflection would enhance the balance of your discussion. This deepens the complexity of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider linking ideas more explicitly between paragraphs. Transition phrases or sentences can guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Well-structured essay with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
Effective use of examples to support your main points — this makes your argument more tangible.
Task Achievement
You have successfully addressed the topic and provided a clear stance on the issue, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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