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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays we a surrounded by advertising in our daily lives. Some people believe this has a positive effect on society. Others, however, say that it is a negative development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#lives #people #effect #society #development
In recent
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
,
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 density of advertising
permeate
Wrong verb form
has permeated
show examples
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
 society. Some
people
 advocate
this
 situation shows how high of economic development of
city
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the city
show examples
,
Add a missing verb
is, However
show examples
However
, other
people
 maintain that male urban ugly. In
this
 essay will debate both sides of the controversial issue and give my own opinion. On the first hand,
people
 claim advertising around
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 has
Correct article usage
an advantage
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advantage
Correct article usage
an advantage
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 factor
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 that the density level of advertising
illustrated
Wrong verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the level of
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
.
This
 is because if the city has
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 market,
Correct article usage
the businey
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businey
Correct your spelling
business
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to pay more money to
creat
Correct your spelling
create
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 more special and higher quality
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 to attract
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
 situation, they will help industry development and
make
Verb problem
create
show examples
 more job opportunities,
such
 as designer, film and television industry.
For example
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Tokyo which one of the biggest finance in the world, they
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
advertising
Change the verb form
advertised
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in
Change preposition
apply
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everywhere but
for
Change preposition
to
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stimulate
Change the verb form
stimulating
show examples
 consumers, the majority of advertising
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be interesting and attractive. In
this
 case, high advertising is one of the features
shows
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 in
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
 cities.
On the other hand
, some
people
 deem advertising will make urban look messy
due to
 that design fro attract
people
 so
usually
Correct pronoun usage
there usually
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 contrast in color and large fonts.
In addition
, if they put
to
Replace the word
too
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 much advertising on
street
Correct article usage
the street
show examples
 will destroy the historical atmosphere exuded by the buildings on the original
street
.
For instance
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some cities have historical
street
Fix the agreement mistake
streets
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 and have a lot of tourists
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
.
Therefore
, when
market
Correct article usage
a market
show examples
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 in there, they will use advertising to catch
peoples
Change noun form
people's
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 attention.
However
,
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 events will influence the special atmosphere that originally existed in the
street
. In combustion, advertising around our environment has
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 judge. Some
people
 believe
that is
 one of
important
Correct article usage
the important
show examples
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 to
shows
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
Correct article usage
the economic
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economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 in
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
 cities but other
people
 think it will harm
urban
Add an article
the urban
show examples
 atmosphere. Based on my own advocate, high density of advertising has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 more than
pasetive
Correct your spelling
positive
passive
.
This
 is because it
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 urban more problems
such
 as
ugly
Add a missing verb
being ugly
show examples
, messy and overstimulating.
Thus
,
people
 need to control advertising in our environment.
Submitted by jcafe2177 on

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Clarity
Work on clarity and precision in your writing. Some sentences are convoluted which can confuse readers. Try to simplify your language for better understanding.
Thesis Statement
Focus on developing a clear thesis statement in your introduction to guide your readers through your argument.
Conclusion
Expand your conclusion to clearly state your opinion and succinctly summarize the key points of your argument.
Structure
Improve your essay's structure by clearly distinguishing between paragraphs and ideas. This helps in maintaining a logical flow throughout.
Grammar and Spelling
Pay close attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Errors in these areas can hinder effective communication of your ideas. Consider using tools or resources to help with proofreading.
Supporting Examples
Provided examples to support your points, enhancing the overall persuasiveness of your essay.
Balanced Discussion
Acknowledged and discussed both sides of the argument, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advertising
  • Consumer spending
  • Informative
  • Economic growth
  • Free content
  • Media
  • Over-commercialization
  • Materialistic values
  • Vulnerable groups
  • Misleading information
  • Information overload
  • Decision fatigue
  • Artificial needs
  • Overspending
  • Regulations
  • Consumer education
What to do next:
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