IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Write a letter to the local council about plans to close a children's playground in your area in your letter, you should: -say why children are not using the playground -Explain how important the playground is for the local community -Suggest how the playground could be improved

#council #plans #children #playground #area #-say #-explain #community #-suggest
Dear Sir or Madam, As a long-term resident
in
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of
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 the Mayflower district, I am willing
to
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apply
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you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to express my opposition to the proposed closure of the play
area
 situated on Drake Road and to suggest how it might be improved for the benefit of local children. It is true that few currently use the facilities, but
that is
 because they are old and poorly maintained.
For Example
, two of the swings are broken, the climbing frame is rusty and the
area
 of the foot of the slide is always muddy. We should not forget,
however
, that many young families live in the
area
, and their offspring need a space where they can enjoy outdoor recreation
instead
 of spending their time in front of screens. I would suggest that the council not only repairs what is currently there
,
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apply
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 but
also
 modernises the
area
 by installing new recreational facilities,
such
 as a playhouse for younger children and a
clibing
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climbing
 wall for older ones. Investing in our children's social
an
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and
show examples
dphysical
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physical
wellbeing
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well-being
show examples
 in
this
 way can only lead to a better future for our community. Yours faithfully, Alex Roberts
Submitted by knailartworld123 on

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grammar
Try to vary your sentence structures more to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical constructions.
cohesion
Consider integrating more transitional phrases to fluidly connect your ideas, enhancing the letter's cohesion.
content
Although your examples are relevant, adding more specific data or statistics could strengthen your argument.
task response
You clearly addressed each bullet point of the task, providing specific suggestions for improvement.
coherence
The letter has a good logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic.
tone
The use of a polite and formal tone is appropriate for writing to the local council.

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