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Band 3.5

Nowadays we can watch entertainment performances for the screen and no need to watch in live. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#entertainment #performances #screen
These
days
 majority of
people
 can look at some activities on
TV
 screens or on the computer and mobile phone and they do wanted watch live. I totally agree with
this
 and I will discuss it. On the one hand, nowadays a number of
people
 are addicted to watching
TV
 programs for everything. because they have very busy lifestyles and they do not have to spend to go out.
For example
, like a musical before more
people
 like to go watching live more than now. But these
days
people
 it watching
TV
screen
. It is much easier for more than visiting somewhere.
Moreover
, the entertainment performances are these
days
 very popular with the young generation. Because they are find some easy way. like a lecture
For instance
, my older sister goes to the university and during the
cvid
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
 pandemic time her
joking
Wrong verb form
joked
show examples
 during the lectures with the Zoom app. That I realize it is more helpful for computer screens.
On the other hand
, if someone
like
Replace the word
likes
show examples
 entertainment for more joy they do not engage
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
TV
screen
 the
watching
Replace the word
watch
show examples
 live.
For example
, my younger
brothers
Fix the agreement mistake
brother
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
love to enjoy
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 and he goes to anywhere watch some programs like a musical or, a dancing competition. In conclusion, these
days
 more easier to watch activities
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
screen
.
it
Capitalize word
It
show examples
 can be a
mange
Correct your spelling
manage
show examples
 of time and someone whobusy they can easily watch that program
screen
 like a
TV
 it
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
esyier
Correct your spelling
easy
 for day-to-day life.
Submitted by ma.ushamanu1024 on

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Task Response
Your introduction provides a clear opinion, but consider expanding your thesis statement to include a brief summary of your main arguments. This will offer readers immediate insight into your reasoning.
Task Response
To improve clarity and make your essay more compelling, focus on developing your ideas further with detailed examples and explanations. Avoid general statements by including specifics and details that support your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence, work on organizing your paragraphs more effectively. Each paragraph should introduce one main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. A clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph will help guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words (however, therefore, for example) more effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This will help your essay flow better and make your arguments easier to follow.
Language Use
You've effectively used a variety of sentence structures, which adds interest to your writing
Task Response
You've made a clear stance in your introduction, which is good practice for this type of essay

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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