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Band 5.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs. To what extent do you echo or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programs #echo
Some argue that free volunteer work should be mandatory for high school. In my opinion, I agree with
this
 approach because it strengthens the bond between people and
also
 fosters a sense of
responsibility
. The most axiomatic argument about forcing children into free
community
service
 is that not only does it encourage
students
 to build lasting relationships, but they
also
 gain a better understanding of empathy and compassion. In fact, today, thanks to the advancement of technology, most
students
 prefer to spend their time on social media rather than making new friends.
Therefore
, working for charity can be an incentive to establish communication between
students
 and different people, especially senior citizens. Another compelling support for
this
 approach is engaging in
community
service
 can foster a sense of social
responsibility
 and civic engagement in young people, which is an essential quality for becoming well-rounded individuals. In fact, many
community
service
 projects require collaboration and teamwork to achieve common goals. By working
together with
 peers,
community
 members, and organization leaders,
students
 learn the importance of cooperation, communication, and shared
responsibility
 in making a positive impact. In conclusion, by participating in unpaid
community
 services,
students
 can cultivate a sense of and
responsibility
 towards
service
 and
also
 instil important values
such
 as helping, empathy, kindness throughout their lives. Relying on the mentioned justifications, I reaffirm my stand.
Submitted by hongminh317 on

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Language Use
To further enhance your essay, provide more varied sentence structures and incorporate a wider range of vocabulary. This will not only make your argument more compelling but also demonstrate your linguistic capabilities.
Argument Depth
Consider including counterarguments to your main points, and then offer your refutation. This approach can enrich your essay by showing a deeper understanding of the topic and demonstrating your ability to engage with opposing viewpoints.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay topic and your stance, creating a clear direction for your argument.
Coherence
The connection between paragraphs and ideas is smooth, contributing to a well-organized and cohesive essay.
Content Detail
You successfully elaborated on how community service fosters a sense of responsibility and empathy, using relevant examples and a logical argumentation structure.
Conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your points and reaffirms your stance, effectively closing the essay on a strong note.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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