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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers.

#sports #people #part #suggestions #dangers
In
this
 contemporary world, there are myriad
games
 which are harmful to those who engage in them.
However
, some individuals are fascinated towards them as they give more adventure
as well as
 precious memories.Even though these
games
 are risky,there are certain measures to mitigate the danger. It includes proper planning and management: There are several categories
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 indoor and outdoor sports. Few of them are hazardous and some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people like to participate in those
games
 as they provide valuable experience.
For example
, many people want to do skydiving since it enables a new experience and more joy.
In addition
, it makes them popular among society and social media as they succeed a difficult challenges.They can cherish the moment even when they see the photo and it mentally rewards them as a robust player. There are a lot of principles that we have to consider to minimize the risk which is caused by dangerous
games
. Preplanning plays a vital role in reducing the dangers since it provides a clear picture of the problems and safety measures related to a particular d game.
For instance
, if someone wants to play a game related to going deeply underwater,he has to know about the oxygen level
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
every depth of the sea. Not only that, he has to know whether he is medically fit for that game and has to prepare accessories regarding that.
Moreover
, having a medical first aid kit at the place where sports are held helps to mitigate life threats.
For instance
, if someone's breathing drops they can increase it by using
ventilator
Add an article
a ventilator
show examples
. In conclusion,few
personells
Correct your spelling
people
 want to make their life more thrilling and popular. Because of that, they engage themselves in risky sports.Proper planning and medical management are some measures to overcome the dangers which are caused
while
 playing.
Submitted by shanaparamesh on

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Structure
Consider using a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance clarity and engage your reader more effectively.
Content
Focus on elaborating your examples further with more depth to illustrate your points compellingly.
Grammar
Check for consistency in tense usage and subject-verb agreement to improve grammatical accuracy.
Accuracy
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor spelling and punctuation errors.
Coherence
Try to integrate transitions more fluidly between ideas and paragraphs for a seamless reading experience.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion were effectively structured, providing a clear framework for your argument.
Content
You successfully provided relevant examples to support your ideas, which strengthens your argument.
Task Response
You addressed the task directly, showing a good understanding of the essay question by discussing both why people participate in dangerous sports and suggesting ways to mitigate the risks.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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