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Band 3.5

These days young children spend a lot of time using computers, tablet and smartphones. Some people think that introducing children to technology at a young age is beneficial. Others believe that they would benefit more from traditional games. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge and experience.

#children #time #computers #tablet #smartphones #people #technology #age #games
Children
 Nowadays are more advanced than our previous generation, a significant population think that it is better not to introduce smart
technogies
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technologies
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at in
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in
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an
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 early age. In my opinion, It is
benificial
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beneficial
 for
children
 to
accomodate
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accommodate
 with
currrent
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current
technology
. To present my opinion I will provide some examples to support my statement Primarily,
Technology
have
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has
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 become so advanced nowadays that it
imprortant
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is important
 for
children
 to
accomodate
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accommodate
 and adapt
with
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to
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 the advancement of
technology
 to support the
fast pace
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fast-paced
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enviornment
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environment
.
For instance
, On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, In a growing country like India popular cities
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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maintain their position with the advancement of tech,
on the other
hand
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hand,
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 it
also
creating
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creates
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 a huge toll on poor village
student
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students
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gor
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for
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
to grow
Verb problem
growth
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 in
this
face pacing
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fast-paced
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 society.
Secondly
, Where there was a huge gap for education
professional
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professionals
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 to help special
children
 to make them learn simple
thing
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things
show examples
 using the traditional way. Now the new generation
greater
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of greater
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 goods it is possible to reduce the gap for them to survive independently. In Conclusion, It is
benefical
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beneficial
 for
children
 to be introduced
with
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to
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technology
Change preposition
at in
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in
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an
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 early age;
However
, It is
also
 required for parents to have
a
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apply
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control over their
technology
 to reduce the bad influence
over
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on
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there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
children
.
Submitted by nycnick995 on

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Linking
Consider using a range of linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the readability of your essay.
Development
Work on developing your ideas more fully with specific examples and explanations. While you provide examples, further expansion and detail could strengthen your argument.
Grammar and Accuracy
Revise for grammatical accuracy and variety. Minor errors and limited range of structures can impact the overall professionalism of your response. Striving for accuracy in grammar and complexity in sentence structure could elevate your score.
Position
You presented a clear stance on the importance of introducing technology to children, which directly responds to the essay prompt.
Examples
You incorporated examples from real-world contexts (e.g., education in India), demonstrating an effort to support your arguments with relevant illustrations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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