Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and preparatory methods.
In
this
fast-pace
era, Correct your spelling
fast-paced
people
seem to live in
a busy life filled with work and do not have much Change preposition
apply
time
to prepare food
for their families and also
for themselves. Faced with the time
limitations from
work and study, they often turn to Change preposition
of
convenience
foods
. However
, I believe that no account do
Verb problem
apply
convenience
foods
can replace traditional food
and traditional method
of Fix the agreement mistake
methods
food
preparation.
Convenience
foods
increasingly popular because of their prices and sophisticated appearance. Add a verb
foods are
foods were
Moreover
, they help people
saving
Wrong verb form
save
time
in obtaining food
, preparation
, and cleaning up. It is Replace the word
preparing
high
Replace the word
highly
reccommended
Correct your spelling
recommended
for
Change preposition
that
people
who are extremely busy, lazy, or people
who cannot cook or do not have enough time
to prepare food
usually take these ready-to-eat
Change the determiner
this ready-to-eat food
food
as their main meals. Although
these convenience
foods
are less time
-consuming, they tend to have lower nutritional values and some may not ensure their food
safety and hygiene regulation, since no one, except the food
processing plant, know
the exact ingredients that are used inside a box of Correct subject-verb agreement
knows
convenience
food
.
I do not believe that convenience
food
will eventually replace traditional foods
. Firstly
, on anniversaries and traditional holidays, people
have to cook traditional food
with the traditional method of preparation. For instance
, during the Vietnamese Tet holidays, Banh Chung and Banh Tet are compulsory on Vietnamese people
's tables, and no convenience
food
is allowed to be worshiped
for the ancestors. Change the spelling
worshipped
Secondly
, nutrition is another problem. Some foods
in convenience
stores are
way too much sugar, fat, or calories which makes Verb problem
have
people
become obese, not to mention
the lack of nutrition. Last
but no
least, traditional Correct your spelling
not
foods
are the badge of national identity. For example
, when someone mention
Change the verb form
mentions
about
Pizza, Change preposition
apply
people
will think of a featured dish of Italian people
, or Sushi will remind them to
Japanese Change preposition
of
food
. Not only the name, the history and the way of prepare
a dish make the traditional Change the verb form
preparing
food
becomes unique. As a result
, traditional foods
cannot be replaced by any other food
to fully express the meaning of a country's culture.
In conclusion, although
convenience
foods
are popular nowadays with advantages that can help people
save up
Change preposition
apply
time
, they cannot fully renovate traditional foods
and traditional methods of preparing foods
.Submitted by haiminhxixon on
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Structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic. It appears that there is strong coherence in how each idea is presented, but refining the topic sentences could enhance clarity.
Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. Although the essay is well-structured, varying your connectors can make the text more engaging and seamless.
Content Depth
In developing your arguments, it's beneficial to delve deeper with more detailed examples and explanations. The examples you've provided are relevant; adding more substance to them will strengthen your argument.
Grammar & Style
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and strive for variety in sentence structures to improve readability and the academic tone of your writing.
Relevance & Support
Effective use of examples such as Banh Chung and Banh Tet to support arguments about traditional food's cultural significance.
Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing the topic and summarizing the main points.
Organization
Good overall structure and organization of ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the subject.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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