IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Differentiating between proper and improper actions and decisions is crucially important for youngsters.
Thus
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, it is believed that penalizing children for inappropriate behaviour is efficient. I totally disagree with the given opinion, as it might ruin
parent-child
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a parent-child
the parent-child
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 relationship, which will lead to mental health issues in a child and open dialogue is immeasurably more authoritative. First of all, health problems occur
due to
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 family
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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 in 90 per cent of the cases, as it was stated by the specialists.
Moreover
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, it is common for youth to make mistakes since they start to acknowledge life and explore something new, punishing them for learning might be unnecessary. Punishment will kill their desire to develop and improve, they will be scared to share
with
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apply
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their experience with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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.
For example
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, when a child feels afraid of being punished for admitting a mistake, they feel isolated and misunderstood.
However
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, guidance and support are still needed. As a caring parent,
person
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a person
the person
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 cannot let go of
the
Correct article usage
a
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 situation that could be harmful
for
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to
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 an infant. Discipline can be
kept
Verb problem
maintained
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 by genuine interaction and direct conversation. Studies have shown that children who feel supported and understood by their parents are more likely to exhibit positive
behaviors
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behaviours
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 and have better mental health outcomes compared to those who experience frequent punishment for their mishaps.
Additionally
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,
this
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 can help to address the underlying cause of the
misbehavior
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misbehaviour
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 and spark off the obstacle.
For instance
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, a study of over 500 families revealed that children who reported feeling comfortable discussing their feelings with their parents were less likely to engage in risky actions. In conclusion, it is evident that punishment leads to more harm than benefit. Constructive discipline strategies can nurture
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
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 emotional well-being and empower
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 navigate life challenges with confidence.

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Introduction & Thesis Statement
Your introduction provides a clear stance on the topic, which is great. However, consider refining your thesis statement to more directly outline the key points you plan to discuss.
Paragraph Structure
To strengthen your argument, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea you will discuss. This enhances readability and coherence.
Linking Ideas
Your essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion through logical sequencing of ideas and well-developed paragraphs. For even greater clarity, try linking your ideas more explicitly to the central argument of your essay.
Use of Examples
You've provided relevant examples to support your arguments. To elevate your score further, you could incorporate a wider range of examples from various sources, such as reports, studies, or your own experiences.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument. Make sure it not only restates your initial thesis but also reflects on the broader implications of your discussion.
Clear Argument
You have a strong stance which is maintained throughout the essay.
Cohesive Devices
You use a range of cohesive devices effectively to link your ideas.
Relevant Examples
The essay provides relevant examples to support the main points.
Logical Organization
Your essay structure is logically organized, facilitating a clear flow of ideas.
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