IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #road #safety #age #car #motorbike
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There is an opinion that the surefire way to facilitate road safety is to uplift the threshold of legal age for
gaini ng
Correct your spelling
gaining
show examples
 a license for driving a transport.
This
 essay agrees with the statement
due to
 the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
car
 accidents are associated with the youngest driving generation. There is no doubt that the number of
car
 accidents has skyrocketed as the number of down to 25 years old generation Z
people
 gained more licenses than in past 5 years. The recent findings that took place in Australia illustrate that
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 the driver is,
more
Correct article usage
the more
show examples
 chances he or she has to be part of a
car
 accident. The researchers
also
 clarified the fact that
people
 20 or below have about 10% more chance
to become
Change preposition
of becoming
show examples
 a a part of a
car
 accident than even 25 years old
people
. The scientists connected it to the probability
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 immaturity of the drivers.
However
, they have
also
 mentioned that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
raw,
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
data cannot be conventional, because it
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintained
show examples
 for each person.
The increasing
Correct article usage
Increasing
show examples
 the minimum legal age for driving will not only
plunge
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 the percentage of
car
 crashes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 stimulate
people
 to learn harder to get their driving approval. To infer,
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 the person is,
more
Correct article usage
the more
show examples
 chances he or
her
Correct pronoun usage
she
show examples
 has
to get
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
 into a
car
 crash. One of the most effective ways
preventing
Change the verb form
to prevent
show examples
 some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car
 accidents
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
Correct your spelling
accrue
occur
accure
Correct your spelling
occurring
 is to uplift the legal age for driving vehicles
Submitted by katerina21.05 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance your essay's coherence, ensure a more logical flow between ideas, transitioning smoothly from one point to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
Integrate a variety of sentence structures to add interest and complexity to your writing, which could improve the reader's engagement.
Task Achievement
For a higher task achievement score, expound more on how the increase in the minimum legal age directly impacts road safety, supporting your argument with broader evidence and multiple perspectives.
Task Achievement
Consider a brief counter-argument section to show consideration of other viewpoints, enhancing the depth of your analysis.
Task Achievement
Your introduction set a clear statement of agreement with the task question, providing a solid foundation for your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided relevant examples and statistics to support your main points, demonstrating an understanding of task requirements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimum legal age
  • road safety
  • cognitive skills
  • decision-making abilities
  • comprehensive driver education
  • unlicensed driving
  • economic implications
  • mobility
  • stricter enforcement
  • traffic laws
  • driver education
  • road accidents
  • mature and responsible
  • illegal driving
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