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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Topic 6: Economic progress is one way to measure the success of one country, while some people think there are other factors. What other factors should be considered? Within these factors, do you think anyone is more important than the others?

#topic #progress #measure #success #country #people #factors #anyone
In
this
 modern world, most of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 that the
Replace the word
success
show examples
successful
Replace the word
success
show examples
 of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 is
Wrong verb form
measured
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measure
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measured
show examples
according to
rate
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the rate
a rate
show examples
 of development in economic fields. Whilst
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 argue that successful of countries
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 associated with many
factors
.
This
 essay
discuss
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discusses
show examples
 what other
charaterstics
Correct your spelling
characteristics
 relate to
Correct article usage
a country
show examples
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
successful
Replace the word
success
show examples
, and is there any of these
factors
 are more
sgnificant
Correct your spelling
significant
 than others. First of
formost
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foremost
, there are many fields
determine
Correct pronoun usage
that determine
show examples
 if the
country
 is successful or not.
For instance
, health
an
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and
show examples
educationa
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educational
education
level
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levels
show examples
 among
civilization
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civilizations
show examples
. To clarify more, nations can not improve without
have
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having
show examples
 good health and
high
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a high
show examples
 level of education.
For example
, the study that
Add a missing verb
was conducated
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conducated
Correct your spelling
conducted
 in
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the united
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united states
Correct your spelling
United States
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in
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apply
show examples
last
 year incurs that improving economies is not enough to improve people and their countries,
furthermore
, governments must be interested
on
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 other items including education, socialization, and
heathcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
health care
.
However
, economies
is
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are
show examples
 considered the most
curcial
Correct your spelling
crucial
factors
 which Increase or decrease other
factors
.
On
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In
show examples
 other words, if the
country
do
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does
show examples
 not have
a
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an
show examples
 adequate
budegt
Correct your spelling
budget
, it not be able to improve. The
under developing
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under-developing
show examples
 countries,
for example
.
There
Correct pronoun usage
They
show examples
 are
fulied
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fulfilled
 in all
espects
Correct your spelling
aspects
 of
successful
Replace the word
success
show examples
, because they do not have money to
furinsh
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furnish
 these
espects
Correct your spelling
aspects
respects
.
Although
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 amount of
budegt
Correct your spelling
budget
 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sgnificant
Correct your spelling
significant
 in developing nations, the costs must be planned
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to reach
the successful
Correct your spelling
success
show examples
. All
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all, all the
factors
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
play
Correct article usage
an essentioal
show examples
essentioal
Correct your spelling
essential
 role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 development, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economies
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 processing is
most
Rephrase
more
show examples
 important than others. From my
recommandation
Correct your spelling
recommendation
recommendations
, should
spnd
Correct your spelling
spend
send
 the
budegt
Correct your spelling
budget
care fully
Correct your spelling
carefully
show examples
 to achieve
successful
Change the adjective
successfully
show examples
 in all parts.
Submitted by fatema14mohammed on

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Introduction Clarity
Try to address the topic by clearly defining how economic progress compares with other success factors from the very beginning of your essay. Your introduction should present a clear statement on your stance regarding the importance of economic progress relative to other factors.
Use of Examples
While you have made an effort to include examples and explanations, working on the clarity and depth of your examples will significantly enhance your arguments. Aim to provide specific, detailed examples that clearly support your main points.
Grammar and Spelling
Your essay would benefit from more careful proofreading to correct spelling and grammar mistakes. This will help in making your essay more coherent and easier to understand.
Paragraph Structure
The organization of your essay can be improved by using clearer paragraph structures. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence if possible.
Linking Words
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and clearly. This will help in conveying a more sophisticated level of coherence and cohesion.
Range of Ideas
You have effectively addressed a range of factors outside of economic progress that can measure a country's success.
Critical Perspective
Your essay makes a good attempt at discussing the importance of budget allocation in achieving success across different sectors, highlighting a critical perspective on economic management.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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