IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

in many countries, the quality of life decline in large cities. why? how to solve this matter

#countries #quality #life #decline #cities #matter
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Undoubtedly, it has been observed that many cities across the world are witnessing a decline in the quality of
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
discus
Correct your spelling
discuss
show examples
 the causes responsible for it
as well as
Linking Words
 some remedial measures to curb
this
Linking Words
 problem in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, an increasing populace could be the major cause of decreasing
life
Use synonyms
 standards among city dwellers. To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, the migration of
people
Use synonyms
 from
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 to metropolitan cities
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 caused congestion, which
lead
Wrong verb form
has led
show examples
 to
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of slums in some areas.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, living in unhygienic conditions
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 affects not only
people
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who lives
show examples
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
 in slums with health problems but
also
Linking Words
 become the cause of the spreading epidemic .
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, frenzied
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
 and excessive workloads
also
Linking Words
 hamper the quality of
life
Use synonyms
. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, too much
workloads
Fix the agreement mistake
workload
show examples
, do overtime for a week;
leading
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to a stressful
life
Use synonyms
 and psychiatric problems
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society in large cities as well.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, some remedial
measurements
Replace the word
measures
show examples
 could be implemented constructively in order to reduce
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government should develop
an accommodation facilities
Correct the article-noun agreement
accommodation facilities
an accommodation facility
show examples
 for living an ever-growing number of population in towns.
Secondly
Linking Words
, gyms and recreational activities must be established in cater to reduce their stress
such
Linking Words
 as parks, gardens, sports centres, yoga classes and so on.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, the benefits of having good health must be highlighted and
asking
Verb problem
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to follow some guidelines regarding
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. To cite an example, when
people
Use synonyms
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
balance their work and home chores effectively
then
Linking Words
 they can lead an enjoyable
life
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it can be said that
although
Linking Words
over population
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
show examples
 and busy schedules are the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
declining
Correct article usage
the declining
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 quality among urbanites , it could be solved by opening
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new accommodation amenities
as well as
Linking Words
 having some recreational facilities in the
politan
Correct your spelling
political
 regions.
Submitted by deepnimrat553 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Organization
To further enhance clarity, try to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This allows for deeper exploration and clearer argumentation.
Language Use
For a higher score, incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and more sophisticated vocabulary could improve the overall fluency and impressiveness of your essay.
Content Depth
Including more detailed and varied examples can elevate your essay by making your arguments more convincing and relatable.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear overview and summary of your main points.
Coherence
You've demonstrated a good ability to organize your ideas logically, making your essay easy to follow.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses the task, covering the key causes and solutions regarding the decline in the quality of life in large cities.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: