modern children are suufering form an obesity which is only considered to adults what are the causes andhowit solve

#children #form #obesity #adults #andhowit

Undoubtedly, it has been observed that

children

suffer from

obesity

in today's world, which is common among adults only.

This

essay will discuss the reasons responsible for it

as well as

some remedial measures to mitigate

this

menace in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, eating too much fast food could be the major cause of spreading

obesity

among kids. To elaborate

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

, fast food includes many calories, especially in fat and sugar which has led to

obesity

in the shortest period.

Apart from

this

, with the advancement of technology , each child has a sedentary lifestyle with some health problems. As a matter of fact, when they spend most of their time on social media and playing video games rather than doing physical activity

then

it has led to

increase

Wrong verb form

increased

show examples

health issues

such

as less eyesight, headache, respiration problems, gaining more weight by sitting for longer hours and so on.

Nevertheless

, some remedial measures could be implemented constructively in cater to reduce

this

issue.

Firstly

children

should eat healthy foods which have high nutritional value as compared to

low calorie

Add a hyphen

low-calorie

show examples

foods i.e green vegetables and fruits .

Secondly

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

physical education should be compulsory in the school curriculums, so that

children

know about the information regarding

Add an article

the affect

show examples

affect

Replace the word

effect

show examples

those

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

foods that they are taking in their daily life.

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

they can gain more interest in doing physical

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

activity

instead

of playing video games on their mobile phones.

As a result

, the problem of

obesity

can be alleviated as soon.

To conclude

, it can be said that

although

eating junk food and having a sedentary lifestyle are the reasons of inclining the problem of

obesity

among

children

, it could be solved by adopting a healthy diet and taking part in outdoor activities as well.

Submitted by deepnimrat553 on Tue Apr 23 2024

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Language Accuracy

Be mindful of misspellings and grammar inaccuracies, especially with compound words ('everyday' vs. 'every day'), and maintain consistency in verb tense throughout your essay for improved clarity.

Sentence Variety

Enhance the complexity of your sentences by varying sentence structure and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary. This will add depth to your arguments and make your essay more engaging.

Argument Development

For an even stronger task response, you could deepen your analysis by exploring more diverse causes and solutions with specific examples or data for support. This will enrich your arguments and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Structural Integrity

Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that effectively addresses the topic.

Task Response

You have thoroughly addressed the task, providing both causes and solutions for the issue of obesity among children, which shows an understanding of the essay requirements.

Supporting Details

The use of examples, such as the impact of fast food and sedentary lifestyles, helps to support your main points and make your argument more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

294 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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modern children are suufering form an obesity which is only considered to adults what are the causes andhowit solve

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the last century the first man to walk on the moon said it was a great step for mankind. But in fact space travel has made little difference to most people lives today. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays, people are living an increasingly longer life and in many countries there are more old people than young people. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree?

Some feel that cities should be designed to be beautiful while others feel their functionality is more important. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion