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Writing Samples
Band 6

the pie chart below show units of electrocity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000

the pie chart below show units of electrocity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000
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The pie chart below illustrates
amount
Add an article
the amount
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 of manufacturing electricity by using 5 different sources in
Australia
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 and
France
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 over two decades from 1980 until 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
 ,it can be seen that in 1980
coal’s
Change noun form
coal
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 used to be widespread in
both
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 countries .Afterwards , In
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Australia
Add a comma
Australia,
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 the figure increased sharply ,
while
Linking Words
 in
France
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 it has been dropped.
According to
Linking Words
 the data , in 1980 coal and natural gas ‘ consuming
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 were equal to 50 and 20
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
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,
while
Linking Words
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
both
Use synonyms
 coal and natural gas’
applying
Replace the word
application
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 was 25
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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.Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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the lowest point ,in
France
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 it is 5
belong
Correct subject-verb agreement
belongs
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 to
Hydro
Correct your spelling
Hydropower
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power
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 ,
while
Linking Words
 in
Australia
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 where number doubted is oil.
in
Change preposition
On
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both
Use synonyms
 sides
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of gas and nuclear
power
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 were similar,
that is
Linking Words
 15
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
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. Two decades later ,in
Australia
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 the highest
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 from sources belonging to coal ,
while
Linking Words
 in
France
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 the figure
turning
Wrong verb form
turned
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 to nuclear
power
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.In
both
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 industries gas and
hydro
Correct your spelling
hydropower
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power
Use synonyms
 were the tiniest
that is
Linking Words
 2
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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.Hydri
power
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Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 was 36 ,
while
Linking Words
 in
Framce
Correct your spelling
France
 the figure lost 10
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
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 and
matching
Wrong verb form
matched
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 with coal and oil employing

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, france, both, percent, power with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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