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Writing Samples
Band 6

Academic Graph charts show various activities in a US office in 1980 , 2000

Academic Graph charts show various activities in a US office in 1980 , 2000
The presented pie graphs
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
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 the kinds of working tasks in the US business in the two observed years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the trends of jobdesks in the common offices had
significally
Correct your spelling
significantly
 developed throughout two decades.
The
Correct article usage
apply
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Phone things became the top
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
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 in the early 1980s, but lately in the 2000s
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 switched
by
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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computer technology.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the typical of working in 1980 had
connection
Add an article
a connection
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 with the telephone at 30 %, paper documents at 20 %, meetings at 19 %,
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
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 communication at 14 %, and others
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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do list.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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 had
Correct article usage
a
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 different pattern in 2000,
such
Linking Words
 as the automation sectors mostly
Wrong verb form
needing
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needed
Wrong verb form
needing
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Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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computation devices and paperless.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
person to person
Add a hyphen
person-to-person
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 meeting decreased in the percentages. In conclusion, the world of
labourer
Fix the agreement mistake
labourers
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 has expanded in the multiple tasks because the enforcement of the industry demands
the
Correct article usage
apply
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speed and more productivity.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • traditional activities
  • digital activities
  • emergence
  • significant changes
  • technological progress
  • business practices
  • evolving communication methods
  • surprising findings
  • shaped
  • speculate
  • observed data
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