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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The flow chart below provides the fabricating operation for producing
sugar
Use synonyms
 from
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
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Overall
Linking Words
,the process starts with a period of growing
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 and ends with the
producing
Replace the word
production
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 of
sugar
Use synonyms
.There are 7 stages involved
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
in this
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 procedure. The process begins with the growth of
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 and it takes about 12-18 months.
Then
Linking Words
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 will
harvest
Wrong verb form
be harvested
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by
Change preposition
with
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help
Add an article
the help
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 of the technique and people .The
taken
Verb problem
apply
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sugar
Use synonyms
cane
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 after harvest will
crushing
Wrong verb form
be crushed
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 through
special
Add an article
a special
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 machine and the result of
crushing
Correct article usage
the crushing
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 will be
juice
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.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
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 step is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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purifying
juice
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 with the help of
limestone
Correct article usage
a limestone
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 filter.The purified
juice
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sends
Wrong verb form
is sent
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 to
evaporator
Correct article usage
an evaporator
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 where
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juice
Correct article usage
the juice
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 becomes
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
syrup
Use synonyms
.
Following
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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syrup
Use synonyms
 goes to
centrifuge
Add an article
a centrifuge
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 which
is contributes
Change the verb form
contributes
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 to
separate
Replace the word
separating
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sugar
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 from crystals from
syrup
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. The
last
Linking Words
 step will be drying and cooling the
syrup
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 resulting in the production of
sugar
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, cane, juice, syrup with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
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