Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease , government sholud focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some individuals think that the contamination of the environment and
and
Correct word choice
apply
pollution
from housing will be decreased by the government
intervention are able to avoid health
problems and pandemic
. From Fix the agreement mistake
pandemics
this
view of the writer, the government
are correctly
when they proceed Change the word
correct
this
action because Change preposition
with this
its
leads to both the fall Correct pronoun usage
it
of
the rate people can be ill and residents will have a healthy and unpolluted life.
It should Change preposition
in
be acknowledge
that climate change is the best issue Change the verb form
be acknowledged
which
every Correct word choice
that
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
have
to combat can save about Correct subject-verb agreement
has
million
lives. Correct article usage
a million
This
is true because, pollution
is hard to escape, especially air
pollution
, now
matter how rich an area you live in. It is all around us, microscopic pollutants in the Correct your spelling
no
air
can slip past our body's defences, damaging your
Correct pronoun usage
our
lung
, heart and brain. Fix the agreement mistake
lungs
Furthermore
, sunlight, wind and wave action break down the plactic
fragments into small particles, often less than half a Correct your spelling
plastic
centimet
across. Plastic microfibers have been found in municipal drinking water systems and drifting through the Correct your spelling
centimetre
air
.
The housing crisis with urban sprawl leading
to the loss of natural habitats, increased greenhouse gas emissions, and reduced Wrong verb form
leads
air
and water quality.
Nevertheless
, simply focusing on environmental and housing complications is not an effective way to combat all illnesses. It is imperative to recognize alongside these efforts, the government
should prioritize raising public awareness and implementing educational programs. Furthermore
, the promotion of robust lifestyles can encourage people to adopt healthy habits. To illustrate, a campaign in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam called upon the local citizens to incorporate a daily 30 minute-morning walk into their routines. As a result
, the participants reported noticeable improvements in their mental and physical health
. In other words
, by enriching the population’s knowledge about health
and prompting them to a more active lifestyle, the government
not only lowers disease-related mortality rates but also
eases the burden on its healthcare system.
To conclude
, it is pivotal for governments to come up with initiatives to tackle obstacles posed by pollution
and housing inefficiency in order to improve the population’s health
. However
, the underlying problems are not limited to those conundrums and the population itself also
plays a crucial role.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
general
Your essay addresses the topic well, but could be enhanced by more clearly developing your arguments. Try to clearly state your position in the introduction and reassert it in the conclusion for greater impact.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity and logical flow, use more transitional phrases to link your paragraphs and main ideas together. This helps guide the reader through your argument in a cohesive manner.
task achievement
Consider incorporating a wider range of examples and evidence to support your points. This not only strengthens your argument but also demonstrates a broader understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction of the topic and the conclusion appropriately bookend your essay, providing a clear framework for your discussion.
supported main points
You've shown the ability to discuss the environmental and health-related implications of pollution and housing issues, which is central to the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Good effort in attempting to provide balanced viewpoints, noting the importance of government action and individual responsibility in solving health issues.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.