IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

#people #illness #disease #government #focus #pollution
Many
people
 say that
whether
Change preposition
to
show examples
 prevent
illness
 and
disease
 governments should focus on reducing environmental
pollution
 and housing
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
This
 writer
disagree
Change the verb form
disagrees
show examples
 with
this
 statement and will give opinions
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 it. It is vital to understand that,
illness
 and
disease
 are
one
Correct determiner usage
some
show examples
 of the
most
Correct word choice
biggest
show examples
problem
 in
society
 that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 need to
be care
Change the verb form
care
show examples
 about
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
In other words
,
illness
 can lead to negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
society
 and
also
disease
 can
cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 for
people
. From prion knowledge, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Chinese
die
Wrong verb form
died
show examples
 at the time of the
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
 epidemic, the consequences made the government anxious and focused on the health of the
people
 and in the future they have been
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
 on
this
problem
 carefully.
However
, reducing environmental
pollution
 and housing problems
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
also
 important for
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 lives.
This
 is a valid point, governments need to care about
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two sides of
this
 situation, reducing environmental
pollution
 can
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
 negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives and housing
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 can
cause
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Consequently
, governments need to attention
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and be careful
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 it. In conclusion,
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
show examples
illness
 and
disease
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be care because it can
cause
 many negative
result
Change to a plural noun
results
show examples
 for
society
.
Besides
 that
people
 need to be aware to reduce
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
pollution
 and housing problems.
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Introduction & Conclusion
Try to clearly present your opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for stronger impact and clarity.
Essay Structure
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. This will help make your argument more coherent and easier to follow.
Supporting Examples
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more persuasive.
Grammar & Punctuation
Pay attention to your grammar and punctuation. Addressing these small errors can greatly improve the overall quality of your writing.
Topic Relevance
You've addressed a relevant topic and shown an understanding of the importance of both environmental and health issues.
Balanced View
You attempted to consider both sides of the argument, which is good practice in developing a balanced view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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