IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing emvironmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many individuals believe
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that
block
Fix the infinitive
to block
show examples
pandemic
Fix the agreement mistake
pandemics
show examples
 and
skickness
Correct your spelling
sickness
slickness
,
Use synonyms
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 ought to concentrate on dealing with environmental
pollution
Use synonyms
 and accommodation issues. I fully agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and the reasons why will be outlined in
this
Linking Words
 essay. First of all,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot of
pollution
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as air or water
pollution
Use synonyms
 in urban areas.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they bring
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many health
problems
Use synonyms
 and cause damage to
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. In terms of air
pollution
Use synonyms
, residents should use public transportation and plant more trees in crowded areas. It will provide
amount
Add an article
the amount
an amount
show examples
 of oxygen gas to
atmosphere
Correct article usage
the atmosphere
show examples
 and reduce more carbon dioxide.
In addition
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should spend money on improving the factories which deal with uncleaned water.
Moreover
Linking Words
, making
poster
Fix the agreement mistake
posters
show examples
 or
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 regarding environmental protection must be considered.
According to
Linking Words
 these solutions,
people
Use synonyms
 can reduce illness effectively. Another point
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be tackled is housing
problems
Use synonyms
. It consists of
low quality
Add a hyphen
low-quality
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
facilities, remote
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
show examples
 or lack of accommodation. They are
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 factors
lead
Correct pronoun usage
that lead
show examples
 to
causing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
illness for citizens.
Thus
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
state
Add an article
the state
show examples
 should solve these
problems
Use synonyms
 immediately to prevent
pandemic
Add an article
the pandemic
show examples
 from
people
Use synonyms
. The government can provide more land or
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
, discount
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of
flat
Fix the agreement mistake
flats
show examples
 and
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
show examples
. What is more, houses should be repaired and improved carefully. The
Use synonyms
state of the art
Add a hyphen
state-of-the-art
show examples
 apartment can
response
Replace the word
respond
show examples
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
 of citizens.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will not sleep rough and have
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 positive impact on their health.
For example
Linking Words
, the
state
Use synonyms
 of America built many houses for homeless or unemployed
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it is evident that
reduction
Correct article usage
the reduction
show examples
 of
pollution
Use synonyms
 and housing
problems
Use synonyms
 can
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 many benefits for humans.
Thus
Linking Words
, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Make sure to organize your essay with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a separate main idea. This will enhance readability and structure.
Language Use
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate language proficiency. While your essay shows a good range, aiming for greater lexical variety can help.
Supporting Examples
Provide specific examples to support your arguments. You mentioned general solutions and government actions, but including concrete examples or statistics could strengthen your arguments.
Grammar
Review your essay for minor grammatical errors to ensure clarity and accuracy in your expressions. Even small mistakes can detract from the overall professionalism of your essay.
Task Response
You have effectively addressed the prompt by fully agreeing with the statement and providing clear reasons and solutions.
Coherence
Your essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Cohesion
You've shown an ability to use cohesive devices effectively, linking ideas smoothly throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Environmental pollution
  • Public health
  • Respiratory diseases
  • Cardiovascular conditions
  • Infectious diseases
  • Mental health problems
  • Government intervention
  • Industrial emissions
  • Clean energy sources
  • Public housing policies
  • Safe and affordable housing
  • Environmental hazards
  • Green public spaces
  • Community well-being
  • Physical inactivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: