IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing emvironmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #government #focus #pollution
Many individuals believe
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that
block
Fix the infinitive
to block
show examples
pandemic
Fix the agreement mistake
pandemics
show examples
 and
skickness
Correct your spelling
sickness
slickness
,
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 ought to concentrate on dealing with environmental
pollution
 and accommodation issues. I fully agree with
this
 statement and the reasons why will be outlined in
this
 essay. First of all,
it is clear that
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot of
pollution
such
 as air or water
pollution
 in urban areas.
Therefore
, they bring
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many health
problems
 and cause damage to
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. In terms of air
pollution
, residents should use public transportation and plant more trees in crowded areas. It will provide
amount
Add an article
the amount
an amount
show examples
 of oxygen gas to
atmosphere
Correct article usage
the atmosphere
show examples
 and reduce more carbon dioxide.
In addition
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should spend money on improving the factories which deal with uncleaned water.
Moreover
, making
poster
Fix the agreement mistake
posters
show examples
 or
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 regarding environmental protection must be considered.
According to
 these solutions,
people
 can reduce illness effectively. Another point
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be tackled is housing
problems
. It consists of
low quality
Add a hyphen
low-quality
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
facilities, remote
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
show examples
 or lack of accommodation. They are
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 factors
lead
Correct pronoun usage
that lead
show examples
 to
causing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
illness for citizens.
Thus
,
state
Add an article
the state
show examples
 should solve these
problems
 immediately to prevent
pandemic
Add an article
the pandemic
show examples
 from
people
. The government can provide more land or
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
, discount
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of
flat
Fix the agreement mistake
flats
show examples
 and
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
show examples
. What is more, houses should be repaired and improved carefully. The
state of the art
Add a hyphen
state-of-the-art
show examples
 apartment can
response
Replace the word
respond
show examples
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
 of citizens.
Consequently
,
people
 will not sleep rough and have
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 positive impact on their health.
For example
, the
state
 of America built many houses for homeless or unemployed
people
. In conclusion, it is evident that
reduction
Correct article usage
the reduction
show examples
 of
pollution
 and housing
problems
 can
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 many benefits for humans.
Thus
, I totally agree with
this
 idea.

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Structure
Make sure to organize your essay with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a separate main idea. This will enhance readability and structure.
Language Use
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate language proficiency. While your essay shows a good range, aiming for greater lexical variety can help.
Supporting Examples
Provide specific examples to support your arguments. You mentioned general solutions and government actions, but including concrete examples or statistics could strengthen your arguments.
Grammar
Review your essay for minor grammatical errors to ensure clarity and accuracy in your expressions. Even small mistakes can detract from the overall professionalism of your essay.
Task Response
You have effectively addressed the prompt by fully agreeing with the statement and providing clear reasons and solutions.
Coherence
Your essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Cohesion
You've shown an ability to use cohesive devices effectively, linking ideas smoothly throughout the essay.
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