IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
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An
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 amount of individuals
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that preventing disease and
illness
 should be faced
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 reducing the
pollutant
Fix the agreement mistake
pollutants
show examples
 from community and
house
Correct your spelling
household
show examples
 wastes by the authorities. To
this
 problem, the writer of
this
 essay completely agrees that the
governments
 should take
this
 problem seriously with their own solutions. It can be considered that the
illness
 mostly comes from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
 as there are many types
Change preposition
of effect
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effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 human
which
Correct word choice
that
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 the authorities need to take their hands in. As the
pollution
 is increasing, the
governments
 need to find more solutions to deal with it and
also
 find another way to solve the housing problems
come
Correct pronoun usage
that come
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 from the citizens. In finding solutions, the
governments
 could come up with many results
for example
 the authorities could encourage the communities to join
up
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the activities to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
 and the families to recycle the wastes they had used.
However
, preventing disease is not only by the
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
 it
also
 by the consciousness of each person. If
people
 do not have
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
consciousness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the environment, they could make the
pollution
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
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 worse than ever as
this
 could
do
Verb problem
be
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 more harmful to
people
Change noun form
people's
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 health.
As a result
,
this
 could make more and more
people
 turn into patients of
illness
,
make
Wrong verb form
making
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
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 slow.
For example
, in
this
 modern era, many
people
 keep throwing trash
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the public
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
making the environment
goes
Verb problem
apply
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worse
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 many innocents become unhealthy
turn
Correct word choice
and turn
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 into patients. In conclusion,
this
 is true that defending the
illness
 and disease should
be focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
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 on lowering the
pollutant
Replace the word
pollution
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 and problems from
housing
Add an article
the housing
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
governments
also
 citizens need to help the
consciousness
Replace the word
conscious
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
pollution
 around them
as helping
Change preposition
to help
show examples
 their health to not be bad.
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Example Specificity
Aim to provide more specific examples to support your points. While the essay presents clear arguments, incorporating detailed examples or case studies can make your argumentation stronger and more relatable.
Language Clarity
Try to ensure precision and clarity in your language. There are instances of awkward phrasing and minor grammatical errors which, if addressed, could improve the overall fluency and understanding of your essay.
Paragraph Organization
Consider organizing paragraphs more effectively by presenting a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting information, and a short summary or conclusion. This will enhance both the readability and cohesiveness of your text.
Topic Understanding
Comprehensive coverage of the topic with a clear stance on the issue.
Structure
Effective use of an introduction and conclusion to frame your argument.
Cohesion & Coherence
Generally good use of cohesion devices and logical argument flow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
What to do next:
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