IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
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An
Correct article usage
A
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 amount of individuals
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
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 that preventing disease and
illness
Use synonyms
 should be faced
with
Change preposition
by
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 reducing the
pollutant
Fix the agreement mistake
pollutants
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 from community and
house
Correct your spelling
household
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 wastes by the authorities. To
this
Linking Words
 problem, the writer of
this
Linking Words
 essay completely agrees that the
governments
Use synonyms
 should take
this
Linking Words
 problem seriously with their own solutions. It can be considered that the
illness
Use synonyms
 mostly comes from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
 as there are many types
Change preposition
of effect
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effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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to
Change preposition
on
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 human
which
Correct word choice
that
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 the authorities need to take their hands in. As the
pollution
Use synonyms
 is increasing, the
governments
Use synonyms
 need to find more solutions to deal with it and
also
Linking Words
 find another way to solve the housing problems
come
Correct pronoun usage
that come
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 from the citizens. In finding solutions, the
governments
Use synonyms
 could come up with many results
for example
Linking Words
 the authorities could encourage the communities to join
up
Change preposition
in
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 the activities to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
 and the families to recycle the wastes they had used.
However
Linking Words
, preventing disease is not only by the
Use synonyms
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
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 it
also
Linking Words
 by the consciousness of each person. If
people
Use synonyms
 do not have
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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consciousness
on
Change preposition
of
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 the environment, they could make the
pollution
Use synonyms
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
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 worse than ever as
this
Linking Words
 could
do
Verb problem
be
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 more harmful to
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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 health.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 could make more and more
people
Use synonyms
 turn into patients of
illness
Use synonyms
,
make
Wrong verb form
making
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
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 slow.
For example
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 modern era, many
people
Use synonyms
 keep throwing trash
to
Change preposition
at
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 the public
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
making the environment
goes
Verb problem
apply
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worse
as
Correct word choice
apply
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this
Linking Words
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 many innocents become unhealthy
turn
Correct word choice
and turn
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 into patients. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 is true that defending the
illness
Use synonyms
 and disease should
be focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
 on lowering the
pollutant
Replace the word
pollution
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 and problems from
housing
Add an article
the housing
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
governments
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 citizens need to help the
consciousness
Replace the word
conscious
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
pollution
Use synonyms
 around them
as helping
Change preposition
to help
show examples
 their health to not be bad.
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Example Specificity
Aim to provide more specific examples to support your points. While the essay presents clear arguments, incorporating detailed examples or case studies can make your argumentation stronger and more relatable.
Language Clarity
Try to ensure precision and clarity in your language. There are instances of awkward phrasing and minor grammatical errors which, if addressed, could improve the overall fluency and understanding of your essay.
Paragraph Organization
Consider organizing paragraphs more effectively by presenting a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting information, and a short summary or conclusion. This will enhance both the readability and cohesiveness of your text.
Topic Understanding
Comprehensive coverage of the topic with a clear stance on the issue.
Structure
Effective use of an introduction and conclusion to frame your argument.
Cohesion & Coherence
Generally good use of cohesion devices and logical argument flow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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