IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The role of prisons should be to punish criminals who have committed serious crimes. Training courses and education offered to prisoners are a waste of taxpayers' money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#role #prisons #criminals #crimes #courses #education #prisoners #waste #taxpayers #money
Some
people
 argue that spending money on education for criminals is a waste of budget.
On the other hand
, we should allow punishing
people
 in jails. I entirely disagree with
this
 statement because I strongly believe that learning
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a pivotal role in
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
show examples
 change.
To begin
 with, there are many organizations that give jobs to prisoners. They teach them how to deal with responsibilities and take accountability for mistakes. Many of them notice that living in society
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
to follow
Change the verb form
following
show examples
 rules and after
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
 it brings more benefits to individuals as well.
For instance
, they may gain
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good image among peers and improve their social life. It was proven that
people
's happiness depends on
if
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
we
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are accepted
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society or not.
Moreover
, one of the reasons behind being a criminalist is the lack of knowledge. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 break the law because of the belief that they have no better option.
For instance
, they struggle to find any job that would allow them to earn
minimum
Correct article usage
a minimum
show examples
 salary. They usually have no interests
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 hobbies. What is more, they had no opportunities to find what they
like
Wrong verb form
liked
show examples
 when they were young.
However
, The education offered to prisoners seems to help them find their strengths.
To sum up
,
people
 who committed significant crimes have
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
access to
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, there is a doubt whether taxpayers should pay for that or
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
 is better to penalize victims. I entirely support
to teach
Change the verb form
teaching
show examples
people
 how to behave even though they made
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
 in the past.
Submitted by Aga on

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Introduction
Consider providing a more direct answer to the essay question in your introduction to clearly state your position.
Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Supporting Examples
Develop paragraphs with more detailed examples to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
Introduction and Conclusion
You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, presenting a clear viewpoint throughout.
Logical Structure
You've succeeded in providing a logical structure that is easy to follow.
Content Relevance
Engaging examples and reasons support your main points, enhancing your argument.
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