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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart shows teh hoghest qualification attained by sex fro the working age population in wales in 2001/2002. summerize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The bar chart shows teh hoghest qualification attained by sex fro the working age population in wales in 2001/2002. summerize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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bar graph illustrates the highest
qualification
Use synonyms
 obtained
according to
Linking Words
 sex for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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working age individuals in Wales in 2001/2002.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest number of individuals had
aquired
Correct your spelling
acquired
 GCE A level or GCSE grade A*-C or
equivalant
Correct your spelling
equivalent
as their
qualification
Use synonyms
 in 2001/2002 ,with a greater
margin
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sex;
whereas
Linking Words
a
Change the article
the
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 lowest number of
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
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 had attained higher education qualifications with a narrow
margin
Use synonyms
inbetween
Correct your spelling
between
in between
males
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 and female. In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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,
aproximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 28% of
males
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 were able to have GCE A level or equivalent as their
qualification
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whereas
Linking Words
females
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 had secured the same with a
near
Change the word
nearly
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 13%
margin
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 less than the
males
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.
However
Linking Words
, around 29% of
females
Use synonyms
 were able to have GCSE grade A*-C with a near 10 %
of
Change preposition
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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higher
margin
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 compared to the
males
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, as many
females
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 as
males
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 ,
aproximaely
Correct your spelling
approximately
 9%, had obtained higher education qualifications
while
Linking Words
 around 25% of
females
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 and 20% of
males
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 not
aquired
Correct your spelling
acquired
 any qualifications. Yet as many
males
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 as
females
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 were able to
secured
Change the verb
secure
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an other
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another
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qualification
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words qualification, margin, males, females with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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