IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people prefer to shop in supermarkets rather than small shops or local markets? Is this positive or negative for development? Discuss and give your opinion.

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Due to
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 increased modernization, there are so many
Use synonyms
supermarkets
Fix the agreement mistake
supermarket
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building
Replace the word
buildings
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 present in the market
in addition
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 to small shops. Nowadays,
people
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 are more
diverting
Wrong verb form
diverted
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 towards big malls,
such
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 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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local marketers are highly affected.
This
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 essay will discuss not only the positive impacts and the negative impacts of
this
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 development
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 comprises of my own perspective. On the one hand, commencing with the positive results of
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
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 in shopping from
supermarkets
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, citizens are able to get new
products
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 from one single place. It acts as a
single
Add a hyphen
single-shop
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shop
Use synonyms
 solution for all the
requirments
Correct your spelling
requirements
 of customers.
Due to
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hectic
Correct article usage
the hectic
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schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
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 of
individuals
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,
people
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 are able to
shop
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various
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for various
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products
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 in less time and with high quality
from
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apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
Moreover
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, shopping from
supermarkets
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 comprises
of
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apply
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some taxes paid to the government,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can be utilized
further
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 for the
overall
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 development of society, which is not possible through
progress
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the progress
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 of local shops.
For instance
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, in 2023,
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
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governement
Correct your spelling
government
 received 20 million dollars from the
supermarkets
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 as a tax, which was used in
opening
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the opening
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 of new medical centres in the country.
However
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,
on the other hand
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,
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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 usage of supermarket buildings for buying new
products
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 is the main reason for
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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 of local marketers. More consumers are diverting towards big malls,
such
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 that there are very less customers in the local streets, reducing demand
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 in the local market. To illustrate,
due to
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Correct article usage
the inaugration
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inaugration
Correct your spelling
inauguration
 of Reliance malls in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Jaipur, 55%
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individuals
Change preposition
of individuals
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 having
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shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
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 nearby
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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became jobless.
Furthermore
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,
supermarkets
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consists
Change the verb form
consist
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 of only branded clothes which are very expensive and unaffordable to
middle calss
Correct your spelling
middle-class
people
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.
Hence
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, these are not cost-efficient for each
economical
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economic
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 class of society. In conclusion, I can say that even if
individuals
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 can buy various kinds of
products
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 by using a
single-stand
Correct your spelling
single-strand
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 structure, the main impact is
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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the work of common
people
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, having their setup as a small
shop
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.
Also
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,
supermarkets
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 can only be accessed by
high class
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high-class
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individuals
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, as the prices are very high there, creating a difficult situation for common
people
Use synonyms
 to
shop
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new
Change preposition
for new
show examples
 things.

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General
Despite a few grammatical inaccuracies and the use of informal language in places, your essay presents a balanced viewpoint with well-supported arguments. Focus on maintaining a formal tone throughout and refining your grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity and professionalism in your writing.
Task Achievement
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, but it could be enhanced by directly stating your opinion. In the body paragraphs, your comparison of positives and negatives is well-structured, but aim to develop your points more fully for greater impact.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good structure with clear paragraphs and logical progression of ideas. To further improve coherence, try using a wider range of linking words and phrases to more smoothly connect your ideas and paragraphs.
Conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points of the essay and reiterates your opinion. For further improvement, consider synthesizing your arguments more deeply to provide a compelling final statement that clearly addresses the essay prompt.
Balanced Argument
You effectively discussed both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view on the impact of supermarkets versus small shops on development.
Use of Examples
You provided specific examples to support your arguments, which helps to strengthen your case and make your essay more persuasive.
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