IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people prefer to shop in supermarkets rather than small shops or local markets? Is this positive or negative for development? Discuss and give your opinion.

#people #shop #supermarkets #shops #markets #development
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Due to
 increased modernization, there are so many
supermarkets
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supermarket
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building
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buildings
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 present in the market
in addition
 to small shops. Nowadays,
people
 are more
diverting
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diverted
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 towards big malls,
such
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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local marketers are highly affected.
This
 essay will discuss not only the positive impacts and the negative impacts of
this
 development
,
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apply
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 but
also
 comprises of my own perspective. On the one hand, commencing with the positive results of
increase
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an increase
the increase
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 in shopping from
supermarkets
, citizens are able to get new
products
 from one single place. It acts as a
single
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single-shop
show examples
shop
 solution for all the
requirments
Correct your spelling
requirements
 of customers.
Due to
hectic
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the hectic
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schedule
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schedules
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 of
individuals
,
people
 are able to
shop
various
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for various
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products
 in less time and with high quality
from
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apply
show examples
them
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apply
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.
Moreover
, shopping from
supermarkets
 comprises
of
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apply
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some taxes paid to the government,
that
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which
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 can be utilized
further
 for the
overall
 development of society, which is not possible through
progress
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the progress
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 of local shops.
For instance
, in 2023,
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
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governement
Correct your spelling
government
 received 20 million dollars from the
supermarkets
 as a tax, which was used in
opening
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the opening
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 of new medical centres in the country.
However
,
on the other hand
,
increasing
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the increasing
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 usage of supermarket buildings for buying new
products
 is the main reason for
unemployment
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the unemployment
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 of local marketers. More consumers are diverting towards big malls,
such
 that there are very less customers in the local streets, reducing demand
level
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levels
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 in the local market. To illustrate,
due to
Correct article usage
the inaugration
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inaugration
Correct your spelling
inauguration
 of Reliance malls in
the
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apply
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Jaipur, 55%
individuals
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of individuals
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 having
shop
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shops
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 nearby
them
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apply
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became jobless.
Furthermore
,
supermarkets
consists
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consist
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 of only branded clothes which are very expensive and unaffordable to
middle calss
Correct your spelling
middle-class
people
.
Hence
, these are not cost-efficient for each
economical
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economic
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 class of society. In conclusion, I can say that even if
individuals
 can buy various kinds of
products
 by using a
single-stand
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single-strand
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 structure, the main impact is
one
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apply
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the work of common
people
, having their setup as a small
shop
.
Also
,
supermarkets
 can only be accessed by
high class
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high-class
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individuals
, as the prices are very high there, creating a difficult situation for common
people
 to
shop
new
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for new
show examples
 things.
Submitted by sunitarani00784 on

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General
Despite a few grammatical inaccuracies and the use of informal language in places, your essay presents a balanced viewpoint with well-supported arguments. Focus on maintaining a formal tone throughout and refining your grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity and professionalism in your writing.
Task Achievement
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, but it could be enhanced by directly stating your opinion. In the body paragraphs, your comparison of positives and negatives is well-structured, but aim to develop your points more fully for greater impact.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good structure with clear paragraphs and logical progression of ideas. To further improve coherence, try using a wider range of linking words and phrases to more smoothly connect your ideas and paragraphs.
Conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points of the essay and reiterates your opinion. For further improvement, consider synthesizing your arguments more deeply to provide a compelling final statement that clearly addresses the essay prompt.
Balanced Argument
You effectively discussed both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view on the impact of supermarkets versus small shops on development.
Use of Examples
You provided specific examples to support your arguments, which helps to strengthen your case and make your essay more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
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