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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the role of parents is to discipline their children and teach them about right and wrong. Other people consider that the main responsibility of parents is to nurture their children and provide them with a safe environment to grow up in. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #role #parents #discipline #children #right #responsibility #environment
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Parental scope of responsibilities has been a debatable topic for years.
While
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 some people argue that
parents
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 have the responsibility to educate their
children
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 on moral sense and norms in society, others claim that parental responsibility is confined to providing a safe home and
unbringing
Correct your spelling
bringing
 their
children
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.
This
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 essay discusses both points of view and states my opinion as well.
To begin
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 with, some think that
parents
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 should just focus on supplying some basic needs
such
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 as food, shelter and love.
Due to
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 cultural differences, people may have different definitions of
right
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 and wrong. Taking individualism and
collectivism
Replace the word
collectivist
show examples
 culture as an example, in some countries
such
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 as the USA, it is
right
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 to prioritise personal goals over those of the
group's
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group
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.
Additionally
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, religious norms play a significant role in shaping cultural perceptions of
right
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 and wrong.
For instance
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, in Islamic countries, consuming alcohol is considered sinful,
whereas
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 in non-Islamic countries
this
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 practice is widely accepted.
On the other hand
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, a large number of people claim that
parents
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 should take on the responsibility to teach their
children
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 about
right
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 and wrong.
Children
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 begin to learn from a very young age prior to school age and
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
show examples
 moral principles from the environment.
For example
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, a child at the age of four will adapt to the habit of lying, unless the parent does not tell them about it's
inappropracy
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
. In summary, there has always been controversy about parental responsibilities. Individuals
holds
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hold
show examples
 different
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
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 if it is the parent’s duty to provide their child with education about conscience. I believe
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coupled
Correct pronoun usage
that coupled
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 with the educational system,
parents
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 should undertake charges to talk to their
children
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 about
right
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 and wrong.
Submitted by Sh.ferdowsian94 on

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Task Achievement
Aim to balance the depth of discussion between both viewpoints before concluding to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples or evidence to support each viewpoint for a stronger argument.
Task Achievement
Effectively introduced and concluded the essay, clearly presenting your viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay showed a good logical structure, moving smoothly from one idea to the next.
Task Achievement
You effectively discussed both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
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