IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Restoration of old building in main cities involves enormous government expenditure. It would be more beneficial to spend this money to build new houses and roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#restoration #cities #government #expenditure #money #houses #roads
Sugar
 patients must
conscious
Add a missing verb
be conscious
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
health
 because it affects their immune system. It is globally true that
taking
Verb problem
eating
show examples
 more
sweet
Fix the agreement mistake
sweets
show examples
 has a drawback on
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
health
.
However
, some
people
 trust the ruler
ought
Add the word
ought to
show examples
 manage the quantity of
sugar
taking
Replace the word
taken
show examples
.
Remaining
Add the particle
Remaining to
show examples
 think that it is solo involvement of knowing their sweet taken. In my opinion,
people
 should know their daily usage of sweets. In
this
 essay, I will discuss my key
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 to increase
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy life.
Firstly
,
people
 should know their
sugar
 intake
level
 on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 most of the old humans are defected by diabetics.
Additionally
,
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in
sugar
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 causes many
health
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
show examples
such
Change preposition
as stress
show examples
stress
Change preposition
as stress
show examples
, pressure,
Correct word choice
and heart
show examples
heart
Correct word choice
and heart
show examples
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
show examples
For example
, every morning doctor
Correct subject-verb agreement
suggests
show examples
suggest
Correct subject-verb agreement
suggests
show examples
Wrong verb form
checking
show examples
to check
Change the verb form
checking
show examples
 the blood glucose
level
Change preposition
to
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 control their
health
. Sometimes,
people
 intake more
sugar
 and go
Change preposition
to they
show examples
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 hospital regularly.
On the other hand
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should regulate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
 production for industries by introducing new
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
. It leads to low demand and
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in price. So
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
 and poor
people
do not
Verb problem
cannot
show examples
 afford to buy the products.
Also
,
Add an article
the ruler
a ruler
show examples
ruler
Fix the agreement mistake
rulers
show examples
 should advertise the demerits of
sugar
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
publicly . For
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
show examples
, In India, most of the food
court
Fix the agreement mistake
courts
show examples
such
 as
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 and
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
kept
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 low-glucose products separately.
People
 can take as their interest. In conclusion, humans have the basic knowledge to manage
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 glucose
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 for
good
Add an article
a good
the good
show examples
 life.
Also
, government promote
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
low
sugar
 products that reduce to take medicine alternatively. Pointing to that,
Add an article
the ruler
a ruler
show examples
ruler
Fix the agreement mistake
rulers
show examples
 must put new rules to
decease
Correct your spelling
decrease
show examples
 the
sugar
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
level
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

topic relevance
Try to closely align your discussion with the provided topic, ensuring that your arguments directly address the question.
introduction clarity
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance, setting a clear direction for your essay.
argument development
Develop your main points with more in-depth analysis and relevant examples to strengthen your argument.
idea organization
Work on the organization of your ideas, aiming for a more logical and smooth transition between them.
grammatical accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary range to increase the clarity and effectiveness of your communication.
stance clarity
You have taken a clear stance on the issue, which is good for task response.
balanced discussion
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is good for a balanced discussion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: