Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you or disagree and agree?

Some
people
argue that
governments
must reduce air
pollution
and housing
problems
to prevent illness and disease. From my perspective, I agree totally with
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
ideas and will give
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
reason to tackle the
problems
. It is vital to understand that
governments
give methods to protect
Correct article usage
the environmentally
show examples
environmentally
Replace the word
environment
show examples
. They should make laws to punish
people
who are littering and no awareness of environmental protection that the feature of
environmentally
Change the adverb
environmental
show examples
contribution
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
public’s
Correct article usage
the public’s
show examples
health. The quality of air and water is seriously polluted from emission factories and daily consumption activities. India is an example, India is
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the top of the countries for environmental
pollution
.
River
Correct article usage
The river
show examples
source in India is very terrible
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
always bathe or wash clothes in the river because they want to
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
money. There are many reasons why many
people
believe that
governments
need to deal with
limitation
Add an article
the limitation
show examples
of concentration on protecting
pollution
Change preposition
against pollution
show examples
and health
problems
. In many countries, the cause of poverty and overpopulation
make
Verb problem
causes
show examples
more illness and disease and
governments
should community propaganda and education;
for example
, raise community awareness about environmental protection,
encourage
Correct word choice
and encourage
show examples
action to protect the environment at the community level. In the modern era,
governments
need to invest in effective water treatment technology to reduce
pollution
and regenerate clean water sources.
As a result
, the feature
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health
problems
and environmental
pollution
. In conclusion,
although
I concede that there is some merit in environmental
pollution
and housing
problems
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
being solved by each country, I firmly believe that
governments
have many methods to deal with illness and disease.
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Task Response
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Grammar and Vocabulary
Pay attention to refining your grammar and vocabulary, aiming for accuracy and precision in your language use.
Clear Stance
You have presented a clear stance on the topic, which is consistent throughout the essay.
Supporting Examples
You provided examples to support your ideas, like mentioning the environmental issues in India, which helps to strengthen your argument.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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