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Band 5.5

Many people who live in urban areas are suffering increasingly from stress. what do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to reduce it ?

#people #areas #stress #measures
In the present
time
 , there is an increase in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress
 levels among most of the
people
 living in urban cities. The purpose of
this
 essay is to address the reasons behind
this
 trend and offer some suitable measures. As
fas
Correct your spelling
far
show examples
 as the reasons are concerned ,
hectic
Correct article usage
the hectic
show examples
 schedule of
people
 living in urban areas is the major reason. Most of the jobs in cities require
people
 to work for long hours and most of their
time
spent
Add a missing verb
is spent
show examples
 on
work related
Add a hyphen
work-related
show examples
 things.
Due to
this
 one does not get any
time
 for relaxation which ultimately leads to
hike
Correct article usage
a hike
show examples
 in their
stress
 levels. Another major reason is that
people
 are required to spend most of their
time
 on digital devices for work purposes and their daily routine consists
most
Change preposition
of most
show examples
 of the hours
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 in front of the screen which not only leads to physical problems but can
also
 cause mental health problems. Long exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 screens leads to high
stress
 levels among individuals. There are several measures that can be taken to resolve
this
 situation.
Firstly
,
people
 must take
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some free
time
 for
themeselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 from their hectic schedule
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which they can do some fun
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 which will help them
in relaxing
Wrong verb form
relax
show examples
 and will lead to a decrease in their
stress
. Another solution is
people
 should engage in some kind of physical
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
such
 as yoga , meditation , workouts
etcetra
Correct your spelling
etcetera
. Engaging in
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 will help in making
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
 healthy in both
phyisical
Correct your spelling
physical
 and mental
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 which will lead to a healthy and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life without
stress
. In conclusion,
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
show examples
 lifestyle and long exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 screens are the main causes behind the increasing
stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 among
people
 and engaging in fun and physical activities are the measures that can be taken to tackle
this
 situation.
Submitted by vcmshs on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to support your points. Detailed examples give your argument more depth and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Periodically review your writing for any repetitive phrases or words to enhance vocabulary variety.
coherence cohesion
Try to incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You've excellently introduced and concluded your essay, providing a clear framework for your argument.
task achievement
You have effectively highlighted major causes and suggested practical measures to deal with urban stress, which shows a good understanding of the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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