IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children start school at 7 while others start school at 4. Does starting school at a young age have more advantages than disadvantages?

#children #school #age
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Nowadays, starting
school
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 at a young
age
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being
Wrong verb form
is
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 popular
in
Change preposition
with
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 some
parents
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'
decision
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decisions
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.
However
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others think that
children
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 should start their first
school
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 at
older
Add an article
an older
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 like 7. I agree with the
parents
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 who decide to let their
childer
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
turn
Verb problem
go
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into
Change preposition
to
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school
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since
Change preposition
at
show examples
younger
Correct article usage
a younger
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age
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 because it
gaves
Correct your spelling
gives
 them more advantages. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss
about
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apply
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the benefits of
this
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 situation which outweigh the drawbacks.
To begin
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 with,
children
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 who begin their
school
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in
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at
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 younger
age
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 gain more benefits because they can have more proper lessons in class than
home
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at home
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. Despite learning from the
parents
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 who do not
knowing
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know
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 how to teach,
teacher
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a teacher
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 from the
school
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 is the best solution to give a tutor for them.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
children
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 at
the
Correct article usage
a
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 young
age
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 are in a critical term to
built
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build
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 their habits,
way
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and way
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to think
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of thinking
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, and get used to
a
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apply
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good behaviour.
Henche
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Hence
,
teacher
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a teacher
the teacher
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 in
school
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 can teach them in the right way to help them grow.
For instance
Linking Words
, my brother who entered his first class at 4 years old can talk more
clear
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clearly
show examples
 than my cousin who entered
school
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 at 6.
This
Linking Words
 is because my brother was taught how to talk properly by his teacher
since
Change preposition
at
show examples
younger
Correct article usage
a younger
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age
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 decision
also
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 gives
disadvantage
Correct article usage
a disadvantage
show examples
 for the
parents
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 because they ought to prepare extra budgets for their
children
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's
school
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.
This
Linking Words
 means that if they want to send their
children
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 to start
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
school
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 early, they need to
ready
Add a missing verb
be ready
show examples
about
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for
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 the
kindergarden's
Correct your spelling
kindergarten's
kindergarten
 bill.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some people
force
Wrong verb form
are forced
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 to take a debt merely to enroll their kids
to
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
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 at
younger
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a younger
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age
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. My uncle is
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 good example
for
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of
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this
Linking Words
. He
owe
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owes
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 money from my dad because he should
to
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apply
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pay my
cousin
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cousin's
show examples
school
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's invoice. All things
considere
Correct your spelling
considered
,
send
Wrong verb form
sending
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 the
children
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 to enter
school
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 at
young
Add an article
a young
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age
Use synonyms
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 us more benefits because it will give them good
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 and help their
grow
Replace the word
growth
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proccess
Correct your spelling
process
.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
, it could
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 more
budgets
Fix the agreement mistake
budget
show examples
,
parents
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 do not need to force
this
Linking Words
 situation if they have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
bad
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
.
Submitted by rifkiw1205 on

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Grammar & Sentence Structure
To improve clarity and effectiveness, consider proofreading to correct grammatical errors and enhance sentence structure. This will make your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
Supporting Details
Adding more concrete examples and evidence to support your arguments will strengthen your essay and make your points more compelling. Try to include specific studies, statistics, or personal anecdotes where possible.
Vocabulary
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms to avoid repetition and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency. This variety will also make your essay more engaging to read.
Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and summarize your main points effectively. While your essay includes these elements, making them more concise and impactful will leave a stronger impression on the reader.
Task Response
You effectively addressed both sides of the argument, providing a balanced perspective on the advantages and disadvantages of starting school at a young age.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, helps in conveying your ideas systematically.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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