There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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There

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are

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widely differing views on the issue that some nn-academic subjects should be removed from school syllabus because in

this

case, it would be easier for children to focus on their studies. I personally believe that those subjects should remain in the school syllabus. There are two principal reasons for

this

. One point that I believe to be absolutely pivotal is the fact that

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these lessons

students

can rest and do things that they like. And these

hobby related

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hobby-related

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activities can help stimulate their brain for

further

academic studies. Several examples can be brought

which

Correct word choice

that

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serve to illustrate

this

point. And

this

idea can be confirmed by the articles published. Adding

further

credibility to the statement brings to an idea of the fact that through these clubs

students

manage to find their life-long friends, and

this

is quite important for the person, as we are social beings. Admittedly, meeting link-minded people can have a positive impact on the mental health of

students

who are under a lot of pressure. Turning to the other side of the argument it can be possible for

students

achieve

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to achieve

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better results in

the

Change the word

their

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fields of study if they can focus only on

the

Change the word

their

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studies without any disruptions. What I mean by

this

is that if a person focuses on one

things

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thing

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throughout their life they manage to achieve great things in their

carrier

Correct your spelling

career

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. In conclusion, by taking into consideration all the above-mentioned reasons, I once again reaffirm my position that being able to spend

small

Add an article

a small

show examples

fraction of the day doing what you want is beneficial for the

students

, so the school syllabus shouldn't change.

Submitted by intiqam.hasanov on Wed Apr 24 2024

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Task Achievement

Clarify and expand on your examples to strengthen your argument. Mentioning that there are several examples without actually detailing them leaves your argument less convincing.

Task Achievement

Work on developing your ideas more thoroughly. Each paragraph should aim to explore your points in depth to add clarity and richness to your essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure a clearer and more explicit link between your ideas. Transition phrases could be employed more effectively to guide the reader through your argument seamlessly.

Task Achievement

Try to avoid generic statements by providing specific details or studies to support your claims, especially when referencing articles or general facts.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay has a good structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Task Achievement

You have successfully covered the topic by presenting arguments for both sides, which is crucial for balanced discussion.

Coherence & Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion effectively bookend the essay, clearly stating your position and summarizing the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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2
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

271 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Fully explain your ideas

Computers and AI technology are increasingly being used for online education. Can artificial intelligence enhance the learning experience? Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, more and more people from different cities are spending more time away from their families. What are the possible reasons and the effects on the people themselves and their families?

Some people say the government should give healthcare the first priority, some others believe there are more important priorities to spend taxer’s money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many countries today are experiencing high levels of migration from rural areas to cities. What are the causes of this trend, and what effects does it have on the existing city dwellers?

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.