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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The bar graph below shows the stock price of four different technology companies from 2011 to 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar graph below shows the stock price of four different technology companies from 2011 to 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #stock #price #four #technology #companies #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The diagram below illustrates the stock
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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 of 4 popular organizations from 2011 to 2016.
Overall
, Facebook was the enterprise
where
Change preposition
with where
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 most share values were and kept increasing annually during
6
Correct article usage
the 6
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years mentioned
while
 Google was the lowest when compared to others,
besides
 that, Yahoo's
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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was decreasing every year.
Firstly
, in 2012, Apple went to its peak
of
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apply
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share price at over 30,000
as a result
 of the arrival of
Correct article usage
the Iphone
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Iphone
Correct your spelling
iPhone
 4 which was the first mobile phone with
the
Correct article usage
a
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 touch-screen function
enable
Wrong verb form
enabled
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 and the crowds started being interested in the brand,
nevertheless
, in the following years, shareholders were unstable, thereby, the engineers had to reinvent the new one regularly.
Furthermore
, one of the applications approaching normal individuals was Facebook, with the management of Mark Zuckerburg, the app arrived
to
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at
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 its highest point in 2016 for 20,000 stock price occupied.
On the other hand
, Yahoo had to encounter the contraction gradually, to add to the problem, the share value seemed to decrease all the time
due to
 being shrugged off by the folks.
Submitted by nutthan.aud on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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