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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

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Some individuals tend to purchase unnecessary goods
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while
Correct word choice
when
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 they are not affordable.
Although
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 there are specific root causes behind
this
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 phenomenon, effective policies can be adopted to remedy the situation. There are two main reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 like emotional spending.
Firstly
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, mentally, it leads to emotional satisfaction.
That is
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, it is proven impulse buying makes
people
Use synonyms
 relax and raise their calmness.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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people
Use synonyms
 who suffer from anxiety are more likely to shop unreasonably.
Secondly
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, social pressure is to blame. Simply put, most
people
Use synonyms
 are competitive and they constantly want to be
bettter
Correct your spelling
better
 than their
reletives
Correct your spelling
relatives
 and friends,
therefore
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; many luxury products are purchased to reach
this
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 goal. There are,
however
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, some solutions to address
this
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 problem. One step would be
raise
Fix the infinitive
to raise
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 awareness among the public.
That is
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 to say,
people
Use synonyms
 need to be educated about
fainancial managment
Correct your spelling
financial management
 and
also
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underestand
Correct your spelling
understand
 why exactly they are doing
this
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 act.
For instance
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, the ones who have learnt how to save more money and know their stress and hectic life are the reasons behind
this
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 behaviour, do not spend on unwanted goods.
Furthermore
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,education and
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 them
skillfull
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skilful
skillfully
 may make a huge contribution to
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
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this
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 kind of buying. A person with high education
such
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 as researchers or doctors usually neglect their
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
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 and concentrate on their personal growth. The more they are educated. The less they act according
on
Change preposition
to
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 their emotions.
To conclude
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, some parts of society splurge
out
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apply
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on useless and expensive
commodity
Fix the agreement mistake
commodities
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because of
Change preposition
for
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 some reasons, the most important one is spending
base
Wrong verb form
based
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 on emotions . In spite of all the contributing factors, informing them about their feelings helps to decrease
this
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 issue.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in using third person perspective to maintain formality and clarity.
task achievement
To strengthen your arguments, integrate more specific examples and statistics that highlight the reasons behind impulse buying and its solutions.
overall
Revise your essay for minor grammatical errors to enhance readability.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the topic and indicates the direction of the essay.
logical structure
You have done well to develop paragraphs that focus on separate ideas, contributing to a logical essay structure.
conclusion
The conclusion successfully summarizes the key points and suggests a resolution, demonstrating good task attainment.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • financial literacy
  • impulse buying
  • credit score
  • debt management
  • sustainable living
  • emotional spending
  • budgeting skills
  • peer pressure
  • retail therapy
  • frugality
  • credit limit
  • financial counseling
  • minimalistic lifestyle
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