The only way to reduce drug is to legalise the substances and bring them under control. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statements? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Illegal
drugs
have become a wider problem in our world. There is a widespread problem of
drugs
all over the country. In my opinion, legalising things could
result
in some kind of positivity
while
illegal substances have many negative effects on society. When the Government
legalates
Correct your spelling
legalizes
regulates
legislates
the products or
drugs
, criminality will be reduced and that will
result
in a peaceful environment and our youth will be safe.
For instance
, nowadays youngsters and adults are getting into
drug
Correct article usage
the drug
show examples
business and it is not good for our society and families.
Therefore
legalising these
drugs
will
result
in a safe environment. There are many negative effects of not legalising the substances if there's nothing like legalising in the world how schools or colleges
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
teach about it, children will not learn anything and they will just think that it is ok to take
drugs
and it is normal. In
this
way, it will harm the youngsters and could
result
in huge criminality. It is required to take a step to control these
drugs
. In conclusion, I partially agree with the given statement. There should be an age factor included in the law, at what age adults can take the
drugs
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to a limit.
Submitted by jatinderpanaich328 on

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Structure
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, main body, and conclusion. Your essay could benefit from clearer paragraphing and a stronger link between ideas.
Linking
Use a range of linking words to better connect your ideas and paragraphs, improving the flow of your essay.
Position
Make your position clear throughout the essay. It’s good to express partial agreement, but make sure to consistently explain why throughout your essay.
Examples
Incorporate more detailed examples and explanations to support your points. While you mention the potential effects of drug legalisation, providing specific, real-world examples would strengthen your argument.
Balanced Argument
You've done well in expressing a balanced view by considering both the potential positives and negatives of legalising drugs.
Conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your stance, reinforcing the structure of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • legalize
  • regulation
  • drug cartels
  • detrimental
  • societal impacts
  • normalize
  • tax revenue
  • public health initiatives
  • decriminalization
  • overdoses
  • HIV infection rates
  • burden on healthcare
  • panacea
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