IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Describe some of the problems overreliance on cars can cause and suggest a possible solution.

#overreliance #cars
These days we
are depending
Wrong verb form
depend
show examples
 much on private vehicles
such
 as cars.
This
 essay outlines the
problems
 that
arises
Change the verb form
arise
show examples
 from overreliance on cars including
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is the root cause of chronic illnesses
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
on the other hand
 traffic congestion on roads which is the main issue in big cities
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 is
also
 a leading factor causing global warming and environmental
problems
.
This
 essay will
also
 suggest solutions to these
problems
such
 as using public transport, daily exercise and
walk
Wrong verb form
walking
show examples
.
To begin
 with, these
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
 people are relying on technology so much that they
even did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not
Rephrase
even relaize
show examples
relaize
Correct your spelling
realise
 it if they have to visit the next street they use
car
Add an article
a car
the car
show examples
 which
is making
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
 them sedentary and
increasing
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
 the
prevalance
Correct your spelling
prevalence
 of chronic diseases
such
 as stroke, high blood pressure and many more.
Moreover
, traffic congestion is the main problem these days roads are packed with vehicles which is leading to environmental
problems
due to
emission
Correct article usage
the emission
show examples
 of smoke and dangerous gases that are toxic
this
 all is not only disturbing nature but
also
 underwater life
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
.
For example
,
ozone
Add an article
the ozone
show examples
 layer is getting weaker day by day and global warming is increasing
due to
 which climatic changes are occurring and weather patterns are
also
 changing even in Australia ozone layer is very weak
due to
 which
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 like skin cancers are prevailing.
Furthermore
, these
problems
 need to be
adressed
Correct your spelling
addressed
 on
urgently
Change the adverb
urgent
show examples
 basis and possible solutions should be derived. Public transport should be used with
this
 people should adopt a habit
to walk
Change preposition
of walking
show examples
 and
exercise
Wrong verb form
exercising
show examples
 so that they can be healthy and active.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 a scientific study showed that obesity is the mother of all diseases. In conclusion, in today's fast-paced world people are depending more and more on their private vehicles and
this
 essay
adressed
Correct your spelling
addressed
addresses
 the main causes of
this
 and the possible solutions to control
this
 problem.
Submitted by sananayyab91 on

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Sentence Variety
Consider varying your sentence structure more to enhance readability and maintain the reader's interest. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your text more engaging.
Evidence & Support
To improve task achievement, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant examples or data. While you've provided some examples, incorporating more specific data or statistics could strengthen your arguments.
Linking & Coherence
For better coherence, transitioning smoothly between your points is crucial. Try using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more naturally, which will make your writing flow better and be easier to follow.
Grammar & Spelling
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and spelling to increase the professionalism of your writing. While minor inaccuracies are taken into account, consistent grammatical practice will enhance the overall quality of your essays.
Task Response
Addresses both problems and solutions related to overreliance on cars, meeting the task's requirements effectively.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion are clear, providing a solid framework for the essay.

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