Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree Discuss both views and give you opinion

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Job

searching is a very tough task. A jobless person suffers a lot of difficulties in doing so. And if you are not a qualified person

then

there would be no chance for you to get a desired

job

. Every so often, employers need

applicant's

Correct article usage

an applicant's

show examples

personal

details

for the

job

he applying for. There is a difference of opinion about

this

topic. Some people think that it is very necessary for the

job

and others show their concerns about it.

Furthermore

, providing their personal

details

may be useful in some specific jobs but

on the other hand

, it may not be relevant to the profession so they are reluctant to provide

such

details

. As for my point of view, I stand with the statement that personal information should only be attached or given when

this

information is required for the

job

and the application you submit and cannot be

not

Rephrase

apply

show examples

considered without

details

Moreover

, if you attached all your relevant documents with the application and nothing

left

Add a missing verb

is left

show examples

in any of the related documents which you should provide,

then

there is no reason to ask about your personal

details

. Some companies do

such

practices and violate the

rule

Fix the agreement mistake

rules

show examples

and regulations. There

shouldb

Correct your spelling

should

amechanism

Correct your spelling

a mechanism

mechanism

on the government level

as well as

relevant authorities. So that

such

practice would be stopped. Companies should follow the SOPs and channel the process in a smooth way. I conclude my essay with the argument that

this

is the fundamental right of the applicant that employers should not be demanding

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

his personal information.

Submitted by computersinn2007 on Thu Apr 25 2024

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development of argument

You've started well by engaging with the topic directly, and you have a clear stance. However, developing your argument with more detailed examples could strengthen your essay. Think about adding specific scenarios or evidence to back up your points.

paragraphing and structure

Try to ensure your essay has a clearer structure. Use paragraphs effectively, each carrying its own point that supports your argument. Starting a new paragraph for each new idea will aid in organization and readability.

language precision

Working on the precision of your language would enhance your essay. Some sentences can be made clearer to better convey your message. Consider revising sentences that might be too long or have complex phrases for simpler and more accurate alternatives.

clarity of opinion

You have a clear opinion which is good for the essay’s task response.

introduction and conclusion

Use of introductory and concluding paragraphs helps to frame your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

8 paragraphs

258 words

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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree Discuss both views and give you opinion

Fully explain your ideas

In many countries, the number of animals and plant declining? Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved

. In some cities, people prefer riding bicycles rather than drive cars. In some cities, people choose to drive cars rather than ride bicycles. What are the reasons for their preferences? Which one do you think is better development?

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think it is an approriate use of government money?

In many large cities, people have to spend hours driving in heavy traffic every day. What are the effects of this on society and the individual? What can be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Accommodation and transport problems are increasing in many large cities. Therefore, businesses are encouraged to move to rural areas. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?