Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to go out
Nowadays , many
people
prefer to spend theirholidays
or weekends playing Correct your spelling
their holidays
video
games
or scrolling social platforms in my opinion they should play football
or do outside activities with their friends
because it's useful for their health
.
So, young people
are addicted to play
Change the verb form
playing
video
games
nowadays because they think it gives them joy but it's not true playing games
gives people
health
problems and it depends on their friends
too if their friends
are gamers they teach them to play games
correctly and they play games
together for a day
firstly
they're
afraid of their parents
but when they're
addicted to play they won't
care for their parents
too and if they won't
prevent it at a time children
won't
stop playing games
.
Firstly
, to prevent this
parents
should check children's
Correct pronoun usage
their children's
phone
every Fix the agreement mistake
phones
day
and attract them to go out and play like buying them a football
uniform or a ball and most importantly parents
should know who their friend's parents
and
it's so essential and Add a missing verb
are and
parents
should give children
's phone
2 hours a day
. If they do it it would be helpful to children
's eye
too. And Fix the agreement mistake
eyes
parents
take children
with them to Add an article
the mountain
a mountain
mountain
or places that have beautiful views it would be so important in Fix the agreement mistake
mountains
children
's life
In conclusion, moms and dads should control their son
or Fix the agreement mistake
sons
daughter
like who's their Fix the agreement mistake
daughters
friends
or what are they doing it's so significant.
Nowadays , many people
prefer to spend theirholidays
or weekends playing Correct your spelling
their holidays
video
games
or scrolling social platforms in my opinion they should play football
or do outside activities with their friends
because it's useful for their health
.
So, young people
are addicted to play
Change the verb form
playing
video
games
nowadays because they think it gives them joy but it's not true playing games
gives people
health
problems and it depends on their friends
too if their friends
are gamers they teach them to play games
correctly and they play games
together for a day
firstly
they're
afraid of their parents
but when they're
addicted to play they won't
care for their parents
too and if they won't
prevent it at a time children
won't
stop playing games
.
Firstly
, to prevent this
parents
should check children's
Correct pronoun usage
their children's
phone
every Fix the agreement mistake
phones
day
and attract them to go out and play like buying them a football
uniform or a ball and most importantly parents
should know who their friend's parents
and
it's so essential and Add a missing verb
are and
parents
should give children
's phone
2 hours a day
. If they do it it would be helpful to children
's eye
too. And Fix the agreement mistake
eyes
parents
take children
with them to Add an article
the mountain
a mountain
mountain
or places that have beautiful views it would be so important in Fix the agreement mistake
mountains
children
's life
In conclusion, moms and dads should control their son
or Fix the agreement mistake
sons
daughter
like who's their Fix the agreement mistake
daughters
friends
or what are they doing it's so significant.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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Structure
Focus on developing a clear structure for your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Try to introduce your topic, discuss the reasons and solutions cohesively, and then summarize your views conclusively.
Cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more effectively with a variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, discourse markers, and pronouns to help guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
Task Response
Aim for greater clarity by directly addressing the essay question. Your discussion would benefit from explicitly stating why young people prefer indoor activities and offering specific, varied solutions to encourage outdoor engagement.
Supporting Examples
Try to provide a broader range of examples and deeper analysis to support your arguments. This will help demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and enrich your essay.
Originality
Remember, repetition of points or examples can detract from the effectiveness of your essay. Aim to present unique ideas and examples in each paragraph to keep the content fresh and engaging.
Positioning
You have a clear stance on the importance of outdoor activities and the negative impact of screen time, which is good for establishing your point of view.
Empathy
Your essay contains a compassionate view towards young individuals' well-being, indicating an empathetic understanding of the issue.
Solution-Oriented
You've made a good attempt to suggest practical actions that parents can take, which shows an effort to provide solutions.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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