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Band 4.5

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative effect?

#people #part #time #smartphone #effect
It is beyond dispute, that today’s society has truly evolved and come a long way from what it used to be, but with all the changes that
had
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have
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 occurred,
on
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to
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 some lengths, the way individuals live and spend their
time
,
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 has surprisingly declined. Nowadays, we are surrounded by many different devices and technologies, that do more harm than help us, the best example being our smartphones. Clearly, they are a huge help and need in different situations, but at the same
time
, the multitudes of media and apps that smartphones have brought with them
,
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has
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have
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 truly interfered with our everyday
life
, becoming the number one distraction for individuals of all ages.
This
 problem has a lot of reasoning, starting with the fact that, many people, including me, consider spending
time
 on their phones, an escape from their everyday worries and
life
.
This
 happens because, when you are watching your phone, you don’t need to put any thought at all and can just get lost in the content. Another reason might be, that some people tend to develop a phone addiction, which causes them to use the devices at all times, even when doing something else. In my view,
this
 is a very current and worrisome topic, because it can influence people’s
life
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lives
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, in the worst ways, making them in some cases,
to
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even lose their
job
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jobs
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 and become indifferent
of
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to
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 their future. Taking all into account, throughout the years, smartphones have proven themselves very efficient at easing our
life
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lives
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, and we should not cease using them because
,
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 it would mean a step behind for humanity. But at the same
time
, self-control is key, and we have to pursue it, if we wish to stop
this
 issue from aggravating.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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Language Use
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Content
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Response to Task
You have addressed the topic directly and provided clear opinions on the subject.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay structure is logical, with a noticeable beginning, development, and conclusion.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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