In many countries, people are now living longer than before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extend do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Constantly increasing
live
expectancy has become a Replace the word
life
hot
debated issue nowadays. Change the adjective
hotly
While
some people
believe that more elderly people
in our society can lead to additional challenges that the government should tackle, other
see Fix the agreement mistake
others
this
change as a great opportunity, that can benefit our society. In this
essay
I will argue that the advantages of Add a comma
essay,
increase
in Add an article
an increase
ageing
population can outweigh the disadvantagesAdd an article
the ageing
,
if Remove the comma
apply
companies
adopt the working environment and recognize the retired people
as a new market share with great potential.
Most of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
companies
build the
working environment for young or middle-aged Correct article usage
a
people
, taking under
consideration that all the employees will leave the company as soon as they Change preposition
into
achieve
the appropriate age. By changing Verb problem
reach
this
concept, companies
may get more high
qualified and experienced employees, that they do not need to train or promote in future. Replace the word
highly
Furthermore
, ageing people
will continue to earn money and will not need to relay
on Correct your spelling
rely
pension
or other government donations. I think that the advantage of keeping more elderly Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
people
as working
force is clear and should be part of Correct article usage
a working
country
policy.
Add an article
the country
People
at
there third part of their Change preposition
in
life
present a huge potential from Fix the agreement mistake
lives
shopping
force perspective. Most of them do not have Correct article usage
a shopping
mortgage
to pay or they do not need to support the study Fix the agreement mistake
mortgages
for
their children. They have some savings and lots of free time, which Change preposition
of
make
them a great market to provide services to. Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
For instance
, many elderly people
like tourism, that
can support both local and foreign businesses, bringing more Correct pronoun usage
which
tax
to the country. The more services Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
companies
can provide to this
constantly growing market, the more benefit both companies
and local authorities will get.
To conclude
, I definitely see in rapidly
growing elderly Correct article usage
the rapidly
people
population a
potential customers and Correct your spelling
as
valuable
working force, that can continue to support Correct article usage
a valuable
economy
and benefit Add an article
the economy
society
we are living Add an article
the society
at
.Change preposition
in
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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures to make your writing more dynamic and engaging. This could improve readability and the flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure every paragraph clearly connects to the essay prompt by directly addressing how the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in clear and explicit terms.
General Advice
Consider incorporating a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic. This can help to more precisely express your ideas and demonstrate a high level of language proficiency.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well structured, offering a clear overview of your essay's direction and summarizing your stance effectively.
Supporting Examples
You provided relevant examples to support your main points, helping to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Task Achievement
You've successfully addressed both sides of the argument before concluding why you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, showing good task achievement.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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