Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world.
Due to
hustling
rhythm of nowadays modern life, Correct article usage
the hustling
huge
number of young people and children spend their leisure time doing indoor activities and as most parents claim, Change the article
a huge
the huge
that
they have no willingness to have exposure to the Correct word choice
apply
environment
and nature
. More than that, younger
generation cannot understand the importance of communicating and appreciating Add an article
the younger
the
Correct article usage
apply
nature
. From my perspective this
is something that should be changed in our society due to
unfortunate consequences it’s
may Unnecessary verb
it
lend
to.
Our bond with Correct your spelling
lead
nature
was resilient and unbreakable, but throughout centuries things changed, technologies developed and human beings evolved. Day by day people no longer were respectful to the environment
. As an example of its major negative consequences
we can take air pollution, lack of water and global warming. All these negative effects are caused by irresponsible people who Add a comma
consequences,
did
not admire Wrong verb form
do
nature
. So my point is that we need to implement the
appreciating mindset towards caring for our Correct article usage
an
environment
because the future survival of entire
world is dependent on Add an article
the entire
them
. I’m pretty sure that going out with your family and children Correct pronoun usage
it
to
some sort of Change preposition
on
trips
or Fix the agreement mistake
trip
campings
will broaden Fix the agreement mistake
camping
child’s
knowledge and help them realize the Change noun form
your children’s
values
of preserving Fix the agreement mistake
value
environment
. Parents should encourage their kids to notice the benefits and beauty of Add an article
the environment
the
Correct article usage
apply
nature
.
To conclude
I would like to mention once more that adults need to show children that caring for our natural environment
is essential. Our future survival depends on it.Submitted by madinabonu.bm on
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Introduction development
Consider enhancing your introduction with a more direct statement summarizing your stance or the key arguments you plan to make. This could provide a clearer roadmap for your essay right from the start.
Coherence improvement
To improve coherence, aim for smoother transitions between ideas. Linking phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'Conversely' can guide readers through your arguments more effectively.
Example specificity
While you've used examples to support your points, incorporating a wider range of specific instances or data could strengthen your argumentation and make your essay more persuasive.
Tone consistency
Be mindful of maintaining a formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid using colloquial expressions and ensure your vocabulary consistently reflects academic writing standards.
Argument strength
Your essay clearly articulates the importance of reconnecting with nature and highlights the potential consequences of failing to do so. This strong stance engages the reader and underscores the relevance of your argument.
Structure
The structure of your essay, including the presence of an introduction and conclusion, effectively frames your argument and provides a satisfying sense of closure.
Evidence use
You have effectively used supporting points to back up your main argument, demonstrating an understanding of how evidence can be used to persuade the reader.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.