Full-time university students spend most of their time in class or working on assignments. However, some people think that it is important for students to get involved in non-academic activities on campus as well (for example, to join a sports team or take part in drama). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

According to
some university students are working around the clock on assignments and in class. Somehow, they should
also
take part in co-curricular
activities
for example
, in school sports and drama. I firmly believe that there should be a proper schedule for everything non-academic
activities
go hand in hand with studies and are equally important.
To begin
with,
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
mind works like a machine if overused it stops, same is the case with
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
body so, we need some time for ourselves to refreshen our minds and participating in extracurricular
activities
is one of the best examples, it gives us the energy and support not only
this
many people choose acting and sports as a profession and excel in it.
For example
, many big names
such
as
shakira
Change the capitalization
Shakira
show examples
and many more choose singing and dancing as a career and now they are very popular.
Furthermore
, we feel more productive with
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
sportic
Correct your spelling
sports
sporting
activities
keeps
Correct subject-verb agreement
keep
show examples
us healthy and fit we function better in
everdays
Correct your spelling
every
routine.
Activities
keep us out of mental stress and pressure.
To conclude
, non-academic
activities
are very important in our lives and we should make them a hobby so that we can have something productive to do in
leisure
Correct pronoun usage
our leisure
show examples
time, these make
Correct pronoun usage
our mind
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
fresh and
Correct pronoun usage
our soul
show examples
soul
Fix the agreement mistake
souls
show examples
happy.
Submitted by sananayyab91 on

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Idea Development
Try to develop your ideas more comprehensively by expanding on how non-academic activities contribute to personal and professional growth.
Specific Examples
Include more specific examples to support your points. For example, mention a study or a personal experience that shows the benefits of engaging in non-academic activities.
Organization
Work on the organization of your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be followed by supporting details.
Linking Words
Improve your coherence by linking your ideas more clearly. Use transition words and phrases effectively to show the relationship between paragraphs and sentences.
Position Clarity
You have a clear position throughout the essay, demonstrating your viewpoint on the importance of non-academic activities.
Understanding of Balance
You showed an understanding of the importance of balance between academic and non-academic activities in your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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