Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The world where we live is the
place
that
we meet a lot of different people Correct word choice
where
everyday
. Replace the word
every day
Thus
, the
communication Correct article usage
apply
skills
are very important for each person to be the
part of Correct article usage
a
society
. Because of that
important Correct determiner usage
those
skills
, some argues
have Replace the word
arguments
been take
Wrong verb form
taken
place
with
the topic is where is the Change preposition
on
place
that can help children
learn how to be good members of society
, Some people say that school is the
good Correct article usage
a
place
to learn about the
Correct article usage
apply
society
skills
while
the other refuted paren should be the good mirror to light for their children
.
In
the one hand , I think that anything in the world Change preposition
On
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
alway
Correct your spelling
always
have
two faces Correct subject-verb agreement
has
are
good Unnecessary verb
apply
face
and bad Fix the agreement mistake
faces
face
. So I think Fix the agreement mistake
faces
this
problem also
right with my viewpoint. So I partly agree Add a missing verb
is also
with
Change preposition
that
children
should be taught be
their parents , because Correct your spelling
by
children
will live with their parents in mostly
Correct your spelling
most
time
. That's why , the parents can teach them better if they have time to pay for Correct article usage
the time
children
but the Correct pronoun usage
their children
children
won't have experiences to
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
face
by face
with another
people.
Correct quantifier usage
other
In
the other hand , when the Change preposition
On
children
should be taught in the
school they will improve Correct article usage
apply
the
communication Change the word
their
skills
because school is like the
small Correct article usage
a
society
for children
to develop themselves and as
here your Correct word choice
apply
children
will be taught other knowledge in different
Add an article
a different
field
that will help your son , your daughter find their hobby in improve it day by day . Fix the agreement mistake
fields
However
, the teacher can't control what the children
learn that why
you need to take your eyes on your child to surely they Add a missing verb
is why
are develop
in the right way .
In conclusion , there are no wrong Change the verb form
are developed
are developing
view point
but we need to fuse Correct your spelling
viewpoints
it
together to help Correct pronoun usage
them
you
Correct pronoun usage
our
children
mature in they
Correct pronoun usage
their
live
before they become Replace the word
lives
an
Correct article usage
apply
adult
they need to learn and experience to be Fix the agreement mistake
adults
a
Correct article usage
apply
goods
members of Change the noun form
good
society
.Submitted by jakelong16091994 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and smooth transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the introduction and conclusion. Ensure the introduction clearly outlines the points to be discussed and the conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Doing so will make your arguments more compelling and easier to understand.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas more comprehensively. Make sure each point you make is fully explained and directly relates to the topic.
task achievement
You have addressed both views in the essay, showing an understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
You attempted to provide a balanced view on the topic, which is good for showing depth in your response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.