IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#government #money #railways #roads
In
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 world,
railways
 and
roads
 are both necessary for
humans
Change the noun form
human
show examples
 life.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should spend
money
 for all of
trouble
Add an article
the trouble
show examples
 but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 completely agree with
this
 statement and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sides and
elovarate
Correct your spelling
explain
 why
government
Add an article
the government
a government
show examples
 would rather spend
money
 on
railways
. On the one hand, spending
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
roads
 has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enermous
Correct your spelling
enormous
 drawbacks in
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
show examples
centrury
Correct your spelling
century
.
For example
 ,In
Correct article usage
the mongolian
show examples
mongolian
Change the capitalization
Mongolian
show examples
 situation, increasing traffic jams and air pollution
due to
 people
waste
Wrong verb form
wasting
show examples
 a lot of valuable time and
lost
Wrong verb form
losing
show examples
 too many
opportunity
Change to a plural noun
opportunities
show examples
. Otherside if
government
 spend
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
roads
 it will confront
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 disadvantage in order to air pollution would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increase
due to
 adding
roads
furthermore
 it is undoubtedly
obstacle
Correct article usage
an obstacle
show examples
 for
humans
Change the noun form
human
show examples
 life
such
 as plague disease and
covered
Wrong verb form
covering
show examples
 a full of smoke.
On the
contrary
Add a comma
contrary,
show examples
government
 have to spend
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 hospital
nurse
Fix the agreement mistake
nurses
show examples
 for core humans.
On the other hand
, spending
money
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
on
railways
 is a lot of
benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the world. Increasing
railways
 can
be opened
Wrong verb form
open
show examples
 huge
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 and
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 for life.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 it can be possible to export
commodity
Fix the agreement mistake
commodities
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
furthermore
 it can be
effected
Verb problem
apply
show examples
positive way for
Correct article usage
the mongolian
show examples
mongolian
Change the capitalization
Mongolian
show examples
government
.Otherside
people
Add a verb
people are
people were
show examples
 able to travel on
railways
 in gorgeous
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
such
 as connected nature and make
memory
Fix the agreement mistake
memories
show examples
 for
closest
Correct article usage
the closest
show examples
 people. In sum
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, spending
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
railways
 in
Correct your spelling
government
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 amount of advantages and
innovate
Replace the word
innovative
show examples
 new
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 and
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Try to structure your essay more clearly with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that clearly states its main idea.
Content
Incorporate more specific examples and data to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and give your essay depth.
Language
Pay close attention to your grammar and spelling. Regular practice and review of basic grammar rules can greatly enhance your writing.
Language
Work on varying your sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and easier to read. Using a mix of complex and compound sentences can help.
Task Response
You have a clear stance on the topic, which is good for task response.
Content
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing an attempt to cover all aspects of the question.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes your viewpoint effectively, reinforcing your position on the investment in railways.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: